Lying To Myself
by Lexii5297
Summary: 'If I say I like it than I'm just another cheerleader. But if I say I hate it then I'm either a liar or a fraud. Either way I loose.' Peyton's lying to everyone, including herself. The fear of reliving her past and the pressure that high school brings create a brand new Peyton, hiding the real Peyton that is hurting beneath. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE
1. I Don't Know Who I am

**Summary- **

'_**If I say I like it than I'm just another cheerleader. But if I say I hate it then I'm either a liar or a fraud. Either way I loose.'**_

**Peyton's lying to everyone, including herself. The fear of reliving her past and the pressure that high school brings create a brand new Peyton, hiding the real Peyton that is hurting beneath. Why is it the only person who can uncover the real Peyton and possibly save her from hurting herself is the last person she wants to have anything to do with?**

**Set way back in the beginning.**

**A/N- Hey guys, Lexii here! **

**I had recently been re-watching One Tree Hill and this idea just sort of sprung to mind. **

**I hope you enjoy and please review and tell me what you think! (:**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing of One Tree Hill- or lyrics used from Missy Higgins or Whipers. :(**

**Chapter 1- I Don't Know Who I am.**

'_Okay Peyton, girly girl cheerleader mode on.'_ Peyton muttered to herself as she stepped out of the car, abruptly pulling her cheerleading skirt down. In her opinion this t_hing_ they were forced to wear was too uncomfortable and too revealing, but hey; it's what the guys want. It's what _Nathan _wanted.

That's all her life seemed to be nowadays, what other people wanted, never what she wanted. Hell, if it was up to her she never would have even bothered to try out for the cheer team, Brooke practically dragged her kicking and screaming to the try outs and for some unwanted miracle she actually made it on the team.

Cheerleading, gossiping and wearing 'slutty' clothing wasn't really Peyton at all. She'd honestly prefer to just lay back by herself, wrapped layered in layers of leather, denim and miscellaneous band t-shirts while pumping her favourite new album on the highest possible volume and expressing herself through one of her twisted meaningful artworks.

That was the real Peyton. Not this bitchy high school cheerleader zombie chick.

But at her last school being the Peyton Sawyer she really was didn't really work out that well.

-x-

The constant tormenting off all the other students at her old school still haunts her to this day. Every single day they would somehow manage to make her life a living hell, to the point where Peyton was so close to giving up.

Some days she would just skip school entirely, or just hide deep in the library trying to get away from everyone. She could try and avoid them as much as she wanted; but it didn't help escape the echoes and laughter from all the other students.

Rumours and insults flowed through the school like wind.

It was impossible to escape.

Peyton felt so alone. She had no-one to tell about all the heartache and pain she was feeling inside. She just bottled it up, trying to bury it deep within. But all the pain was just too much too handle.

There was not one single day that went by that Peyton did not cry. Sometimes she would cry to the point where her eyes burned and she simply couldn't cry anymore.

Even when Peyton broke down at school infront of everyone did the tormenting stop?

Never.

Did they realise just how much their words were affecting Peyton?

Of course not.

It only gave them more ammunition to use against her.

Who knew how much words could hurt?

It was as if it was a game, a game to see how long Peyton would last before she finally decided to give up and finally killed herself.

At one point she was so close to it.

Drowning her sorrows in a bottle of vodka, she grabbed the car keys and drove. She had no idea where she was going or how she even managed to stay on the road for over twenty minutes considering she could barely see straight. The lights on the road ceased as Peyton struggled to keep focus on the road ahead. Her last remaining image that is now permanently etched into her mind was the unforgettable shape of large tree truck.

She awoke two days later in a bright hospital room.

Alone.

She was so scared; so confused.

But what hurt even more than the pounding in her head or the scratches and wounds that overtook her body was the fact that no-one even bothered to call, visit or at the very least send a bloody 'Get Well Soon' card.

But then again who was there?

All those wonderful people from her school who spent their life making hers a misery? Or her dead mother who left her so long ago she could barely remember what she looked like? Or how about her beloved father who left her alone for months at a time with only an occasional email or phone call?

She was so alone.

It was like she was stuck in a round room with no doors, spiralling into a deep depression, far away from her sanity.

When her father finally arrived back home after hearing about Peyton's accident she finally confessed on how much emotional pain she was feeling, how much all the bullying was killing her on the inside. That's when he generally decided to relocate to Tree Hill. Payton's father stayed by his fragile daughter's side for a few short weeks, until he once again left her all alone.

Tree Hill was a fresh start for Payton. She vowed she would never again suffer through all that emotional pain again, simply for being 'different.' She'd rather blend into the shadows than attract that kind of negative attention again.

Never again.

-x-

Peyton traced around the thick leather band that was tied around her left wrist, hiding who she used to be. Sure she could change her appearance and fake out her whole life, but she couldn't fake the scars.

'P! Hey P!' called out a loud bubbly voice from behind her, interrupting her thoughts from her previous life. Peyton knew that voice from anywhere; _Brooke_.

_Fake smile activate._

'Hey Brooke!' _Too much enthusiasm. Crap._

'Well isn't someone just chirpy today?' Brooke laughed, her smile grinning from ear to ear.

_How can she make it look so god dam easy?!_

'Oh you know me, chirpy chirpy!'

_Chirpy chirpy? Seriously Peyton? Seriously?_

'Uh, okay? We better get inside the game's about to start!' Brooke announced, looping her arm in Peyton's and dragged her into the gymnasium.

_Oh the joy…_

-x-

'GO RAVENSSSSSSSS!'

The crowd erupted in cheers as the basketball landed swift and smoothly into the basketball ring.

_Another win for the Ravens_.

'_Thankgod that's over…'_ Peyton muttered through her fake, plastered smile as she shook the blue and white pom poms over her head in sync with her fellow cheermates in celebration for the win.

Once the crowd had ceased and she saw people were beginning to leave she quickly gathered her things and attempted to leave before someone invited her to some _super awesome _party in which she just 'couldn't afford to miss.'

She weaved through the remaining crowd of people, heaving her gym bag over her shoulder as she made her way to the gymnasium door. One hand rested on the cold door and she began to push it open, letting in a small breeze of air.

_Freedom_.

'Peyton! Hey Peyton!'

_You have got to be kidding me!_

Peyton swung around, with her usual fake smile frozen on her face.

'Hey Nathan!' she greeted, landing a short kiss on his lips.

_No passion whatsoever._

Perfect Boyfriend, perfect life. She snorted in her head. That's how it basically worked in high school. Get the JOCK;

No, get the HOTTEST JOCK;

Wait no, get the HOTTEST JOCK EVERY GIRL WANTS and then you'll be happy.

_Yeah Bullshit._

You fight because he did something stupid? Ignore it. You're better off with him anyway.

You fight because YOU did something stupid? Apologise. You're better off with him anyway.

He doesn't even know the real you. What you like to do. What you like to eat. So? You're better off with him anyway.

The last one made Peyton giggle. No one knew the real her. Then she froze, when she realised SHE didn't even know the real her anymore. Peyton had become someone else. She sacrificed practically everything that made her _her._

'Hey Payton, you alright?' Nathan's voiced asked, breaking her out of her sudden realisation.

_Crap! Need an excuse. A GOOD excuse_

'Y-yeah I'm fine… Just tired you know? Haven't been feeling too well lately.'

_Ahh, the sudden sickness. Works everytime._

'Well, me and the other guys are having a party to celebrate another win, wanna come?' Nathan beamed, obviously proud of yet another win.

_Seriously, another party? What makes this one different to all the other ones she had been too? Drinking, dancing and making out. They were all the same._

'Uh, I would, except for the fact that I'm really tired and sick, like I just said….'

'Oh okay, cool. I'll see ya 'round then?' Nathan disembarked, landing another kiss on Peyton's lips.

_Another completely passionless kiss._

Wow, she actually managed to get away with it. Usually it was like ten times harder to get off with an 'I'll see ya round' maybe she was just getting better at lying, to not only Nathan but to herself.

She began nibbling at her bottom lip, deep in thought, questioning how _these people _would react if she just rocked up one day at school pumping her latest rock album dressed in her favourite ripped skinny jeans, Converses and band tee, instead of her usual bootleg, high heels and colourful blouse.

Peyton liked to describe her school and going out wardrobe as if _a girly rainbow had spewed on it._

Secretly Peyton had hoped everyone would welcome in the real Peyton. Especially Brooke. Brooke was Peyton's first real friend. Brooke was the first person who actually made Peyton feel welcomed and actually wanted, as if Peyton actually mattered and was not just a piece of dirt.

_Wait… am I even allowed to call her my REAL bestfriend? Our relationship was based entirely on lies- only my lies. Would she even of talked to me if I first came to school as the real me?_

But even if there was the slightest chance they would accept her, she wasn't anywhere near ready to risk it. Even after living in Tree Hill for over a year Peyton was nowhere near ready to take a chance and possibly go back to how things used to be. For once in her life she felthappy; well, _happier_ than she has felt in a long time.

Peyton threw her gym bag into the back seat of her car and collapsed into the driver's seat, immediately dropping her fake smile.

_Oh my god my cheeks are killing me._

She vigorously shook her hair out of the ponytail, letting her trademark blonde curls fall loosely around her face as she breathed out a deep breath of air she didn't realise she had been holding in. Sometimes she found it so stressful constantly trying to keeping up this act, trying to keep up this _lie_.

Peyton disregarded the thoughts of her previous life and 'what ifs' as she turned the key in the ignition and drove off back home, where she could finally be herself; whoever that was anymore.

-x-

_**I don't know what I've done**_

_**Or if I like what I've become. **_

Peyton glared at the radio.

_Really?_

'_**Cos I don't know who I am.**_

_Next._

_**I don't know what I am**_

_**So just go put on another sham**_

_**What do you do when you're always subjected**_

_**What do you do when you're always neglected**_

_Oh you have got to be kidding me!_

Peyton desperately looked through the large number of CDs that were trashed around her car. She needed something _loud, _not songs that reminded her of well, e_verything._

She turned and reached around the backseat looking into for one CD in particular.

_Eyes on the road Peyton!_ Her conscious reminded her.

'Shit!' she screeched as she whipped back around just in time to see the lone figure walking across the road. Peyton hit down on the breaks; hard. But it wasn't soon enough. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the figure collided with the car and disappeared from Peyton's view.

Peyton sat in shock for a few seconds. Her heart raced in her chest as her mind tried to make sense of what had just happened. He knuckles turned white from the force she was using to grip onto the steering wheel. She panted as she shook herself from her state of shock and she then got out of the car and ran around to the front.

'Oh my god are you okay?!' she screamed as she knelt down by the hooded figure.

There was no answer.

_Oh please God no._

Peyton gently shook the hooded figure. 'Are you okay?!' she repeated, more distraughtly.

'Ughh…' was the reply she got.

_Oh thank God, at least he's not dead._

'I am so sorry! How are you feeling?' she asked more gently.

'Like I got hit by a bloody car…' he muttered, rolling himself over to face the person who hit him.

'Oh. It's _you_.' Peyton said, her voice bitter and full of unintentional sarcasm.

_Out of all people in Tree Hill you had to hit him? _She swore at herself. _Your boyfriend's hated and disowned brother. Nice one Peyton._

'Well sorry you were too busy not paying attention to the road.' He spat back.

_Touch__é._

'Look I'm sorry. You're not seriously hurt are you?' she asked with genuine concern.

'Think it's just a bruise.' He replied flatly, trying to heave himself up.

Peyton stood up and offered her hand. 'Here.'

He hesitantly took her hand and lifted himself up.

'Lucas.' He introduced flatly.

'I know… Peyton.'

'I know.' He smiled; she couldn't help but smile back.

'Are you sure you're okay?' Peyton asked, once again, while dropping her smile. 'You don't need to go to hospital do you?' she quivered.

'Nah, like I said, just a bruise.'

'Okay then…' _Dude, you just hit him with your car, least you could do is offer him a lift?!_ Peyton rolled her eyes at her inner thoughts. 'Do you need a lift?'

'Nah, I'll be alright.'

_Oh well, I tried. _'Okay, I'll see you 'round.' Peyton replied walking back and sitting back down in the driver's seat of the car.

Lucas ignored her as he looked around for his basketball that had disappeared when he got hit by the car. He saw it nestled on the opposite side of the road in a few bushes. Ignoring the searing pain that was shooting up his leg, he made his way over to retrieve it, telling his leg to walk at least semi-normal, just until Peyton left.

That didn't really work out that well.

He hobbled over to the basketball as if he was an old man missing his cane. _Just drive away Peyton, just drive away. _He muttered to himself as he felt himself limping. Lucas was convinced that if she was going out with Nathan she was probably some bitch he didn't want to have any sort of connection with.

Peyton watched from the car as Lucas limped over to the other side of the road. _ He's Nathan's brother Peyton. Everybody hates him, you're meant to too. Just drive away Peyton, just drive away. _That's what this bitchy high school cheerleader zombie version of her would have done, but that wasn't her. She's been in his situation, she knew how much it hurt to be teased and tormented and be hated by pretty much everyone, it hurt.

'Get in.' she called from the open window.

Lucas spun around. 'Huh?'

'I said Get. In.' she repeated, slower this time, as if she were talking to a young child.

'I'm fine.' Lucas replied blankly. Hell he would have killed for a ride, but it was with her. He knew there was something up. In his experience these cheerleaders don't just suddenly become _nice_.

Peyton stepped out of the car, slightly pissed off. 'Oh my god. Honestly. Just get in the bloody car! What do you think I'm going to do? Dump your ass on the side of a random road for you to find your own way back?'

_Maybe…._ 'Do I even have a choice?'

She crossed her arms infront of her, a stern look etched into her face. 'No.'

Lucas sighed and looked down the very, very long road ahead of him, while feeling the surge of pain from his leg. 'Okay.' He said bluntly, picking up his basketball and hobbling his way back over to the car.

Peyton smiled. _That's dam right you'll take the lift._ She walked over to Lucas and wrapped one of her arm underneath his, offering to aid support as he limped towards the car.

'What are you doing?' Lucas hesitantly asked.

'What does it look like I'm doing? I'm helping you.'

'You don't have to…'

'Dude, I hit you with my car, it's the least I could do.'

Lucas plopped down into the passenger's seat as Peyton made her way back over to the driver's side.

_Well this shall be interesting. _Both Peyton and Lucas' inner thoughts muttered in sync.

_Why is she being so nice?_ Lucas asked himself. Never has he received this much positive attention from someone like _her._ Lucas tried his best to stay away from people like t_hem_.

But Peyton didn't seem like the typical stereotype of a popular teenage girl that he knew. He knew there was something more to her, something more for him to discover. Something that she had been hiding from the world, but what, Lucas wasn't too sure of.

Sure now all Lucas suffered through was just mainly a few insults thrown here or there, nothing too dramatic. Lucas knew that if he stayed away from them, they would stay away from him.

But Lucas knew it could get ten times worse if Nathan wanted it to.

And falling for Nathan's girlfriend wasn't really a good start.

**A/N- I just wanted to point out that the line taken from Missy Higgins' song **_**Where I Stood-**_

'_**Or if I like what I've become'**_** is incorrect. I knew the line was actually '**_**Or if I like what I've begun.'**_** But I thought that become would fit in better with what I'm trying to portray of Peyton. No hate please!**

**Honest opinions?**

**Any ideas?**

**Don't hesitate! Do tell!**

**I'll update A.S.A.P, I guarantee there will be at least one more chapter up, but please review! Especially if you want more chapters considering this was only meant to be a One-shot. (:**

**-Thanks Lexii xo**


	2. Let the Truth Spill Out

**A/N- Sorry I would've uploaded sooner but I was working on my mother story **_**Falling and Flying**_**, you should check it out! ;D**

**I just wanted to say Thankyou all for the wonderful feedback- It gave me the right motivation to continue writing this even though I had absolutely no idea where this would go. (:**

**To Guest-**

**This is a Leyton FanFic… I thought it was kindof obvious hahaha. Although I have no idea to what point in the relationship Peyton and Lucas may obtain, depends on what the readers want I guess.**

**Chapter 2- Let the Truth Spill Out.**

The tension was so thick you could cut a knife through it.

_Well, this is awkward, good on ya Peyton. You always manage to mess something up._

'Shuttup!'

'What?'

'Nothing!'

Lucas looked directly at her for a few seconds, his eyebrow raised, trying to make sense of what she just said, before reverting his attention back out of the window. _What the hell….?_

_Great, now he thinks you're crazy too. _

Peyton rolled her eyes at herself. _I probably am crazy._

A few more uncomfortable minutes passed in complete silence.

_Why do I have to live so far away? _Lucas cussed at himself. The unpleasant tension was eating them both up on the inside. _Talk to her or something man. _Lucas opened his mouth ready to say anything to get rid of the unsettling silence. _Wait don't! _Lucas shut his mouth. Frustrated at his inner thoughts arguing at each other, he glanced around the trashed car looking for some kind of distraction.

'_The prettier the girl, the messier the car…'_ Uncle Keith's words echoed in his mind. Lucas smiled. _Wise words Uncle Keith, wise words…_

_Great, now he's smiling at absolutely nothing. He's probably realised of how much of a loser you are Peyton._

Peyton bit her bottom lip, gripping onto the steering wheel tightly. Every single day she use to get told of how much she was a loser; a failure; how she deserved to be dead. She got told all these heartbreaking insults so much she actually started to believe it. Even moving towns can't escape the negative comments forming in her mind.

Lucas looked back over at Peyton, noticing the sadden expression that was plastered on her face. _What is going through her mind?_ He wondered.

Peyton could feel Lucas' eyes burning into her. _Great, now he's staring at you. What would you do if he caught you staring at you at school? _

_Flick him the bird? Yeah, out of the question, you don't want to run over some other poor soul. _

_Give him the 'what the hell do you want' look? Nope, again, eyes on the road Peyton._

_Tell Nathan? Yeah, cause that's going to work out well._

Peyton let out a frustrated sigh.

'What?' Peyton snapped.

_Crap, stared for too long. Distraction Lucas! Distraction!_ Lucas swore to himself as he turned his attention to the first thing he saw.

'Uh wow. Is that NOFX's new album?' _What the hell is SHE doing with a copy of this? _It wasn't really the type of album Lucas would have expected some _cheerleader _to have.

Peyton felt her cheeks redden. _Crap. Cheerleader's aren't meant to be listening to this. Cheerleader's are meant to be listening to Beyonc__é__ or something._

_Excuse Peyton!_

'NOF what?'

_Smooth Peyton._

'You know NOFX? _That's me inside your head?_' He slowly sung.

Peyton let out a small laugh.

'Aha! So you do know them!' Lucas declared happily, his deep blue eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

_Of course I know them! They've sold over six million records worldwide, making them one of the most successful independent bands of all time. You'd have to be stupid to not know who they are… or a cheerleader that should be listening to Gwen Stefani __or something… YOU'RE meant to be a cheerleader that listen to Gwen Stefani Peyton._

'Nope, never heard of them.'

'Then why do you have their album in your car?'

'Nathan must have left it in the car or something…'

Lucas rolled his eyes. _Nathan? Listening to NOFX? Good one Peyton. _Lucas chuckled to himself. He turned and once again focused his attention to Peyton.

'Why are you lying to me?'

This caught Peyton off guard. It's the first time someone else had asked her that besides herself.

'Why are you lying to me?' Lucas repeated leaning over closer to Peyton, his eyes still burning into the side of her face. He was determined for some sort of explanation that had absolutely nothing to do with the stupid CD. He could tell she was hiding beneath, lying to everyone. He just hated the fact that it took him so long to realise. He paused before continuing, drawing in a breath, 'Why are you lying to everyone?'

Peyton felt her heart beat rise as she felt herself reliving hundreds of horrible moments over and over again. The teasing, the tormenting, the way her arm burned as she repeatedly drove the cold razor blade through her flesh, the burning of her throat as the vodka ran down her throat, the excruciating pain she felt when she collided with the tree.

A single tear fell from her eye. It was still so painful.

'Peyt-'

'Get out.' Peyton interrupted, she muttered before wiping away the tear that had fallen and pulling over the car to the side of the road,

Lucas sat there, not moving a muscle. Peyton felt the anger bellow up inside of her, the tears forming in her eyes were seconds away from spilling out. Lucas still hadn't moved; he was still staring at her, questioning her.

Peyton gruffly turned to face him. 'I said get out!' she screeched fighting back the tears as she pointed past Lucas.

'This isn't my street…'

'I don't care! Get the hell out of my car!' _And out of my head._

Lucas sighed and stepped out of the car, trying to ignore the pain that was still surging up his leg. His blue eyes looked back at her, desperately seeking and wanting an answer.

A few more seconds lingered until Lucas breathed out a sign of defeat. The moment the door slammed shut Peyton drove off, leaving behind a trial of black tyre marks behind her.

She turned down the next street and pulled over, before finally allowing herself to break down. Tears bled from her eyes and she gasped for air as she struggled to breathe as her sobs became uncontrollable. The scars on her wrist began to burn from the haunting memories that were replaying over and over her head.

_Why could he tell I am lying? I've barely spoken to him for ten bloody minutes yet he could figure it out faster than my own bloody bestfriend or boyfriend. _

Peyton didn't know how to feel. Her emotions were a mix of anger, sorrow and pain. She banged her steering wheel a few times in frustration before leaning on it and burying her face against her arms, letting out a few more sobs.

_How much longer can I keep this up?_

-x-

Lucas limped his way into towards his house, occasionally letting out a few hisses of pain after every few steps.

_Damn she hit me good. Most painful forty minutes of my life._

He tried to be quite as he could as he attempted to sneak back into the house; and by attempted, I mean attempted.

Lucas glanced behind him, seeing the number of plant pots he had somehow managed to knock over, dirt was spread everywhere, Karen's precious lilies were spread along the concrete path.

_Great, first Mum's going to kill me for being late, then she's going to dig me back up and kill me again for ruining her lilies, then with my luck Peyton will dig me up again for doing, whatever the hell I did and THEN my lovely brother and kick the crap out of my dead body for talking to Peyton in the first place. _

_This shall be fun. _Lucas grimaced.

Lucas slowly pushed his key into the lock and unlocked the front door. Holding his breath as the door creaked open. The slower he seemed to go the louder the door seemed to creak. _Shuttup. Shuttup! SHUTTUP! _He cursed in his mind before he slipped into the pitch black house.

_Yes!_

If his leg wasn't so freaking sore he probably would have done some sort of happy dance in victory.

'And where have you been?' bellowed a voice, hidden in the darkness.

Lucas froze as his mother's voice echoed through his ears.

_Great…._

He turned around, a fake plastered smile was spread on his lips.

'Hey Mum…'

Karen stepped out of the shadows from the kitchen. 'Don't you 'Hey Mum' me! I have been worried sick! You were meant to be home ages ago! Where on Earth have you been?!'

'Mum, relax. I'm sorry I went to the River Court and lost track of time with the guys.'

Karen crossed her arms; a smug but sarcastic look was on her face. 'Really? So where's that basketball of yours?'

Lucas looked down at his empty hands.

_Great…_

'Lucas Eugene Scott. Don't you dare lie to me! Why on Earth were you late?'

_Oh god, not the middle name._

'Mum I wasn't lying to you. I_ was_ playing basketball at the River Court and I _did _lose track of time with the guys.'

'So where's the basketball?' Karen repeated.

'The backseat of Peyton Sawyer's car…' Lucas muttered, just loud enough for Karen to hear it.

'Peyton Sawyer? As in Nathan's Peyton Sawyer?'

'Yep…'

'What _exactly _were you _doing _in her car?'

Lucas jerked back in disgust. 'Oh my God Mum! No! Nothing like that! Nothing like that at all!'

Karen let out a sigh of relief while Lucas was there mentally kicking himself. 'So why were you in her car?'

'She was giving me a lift?'

'_Why…?' _

'S-She kind of hit me with her car…' muttered Lucas while he rubbed the back of his neck.

Karen's stern expression evaporated into the classic worried mother's look.

_Here we go…._

-x-

Peyton pulled into the school parking lot, bracing herself before she exited the car.

_Okay Peyton. Last night never happened. You went straight home, you never hit Lucas Scott and you sure as hell didn't talk to him. Now straighten up this disgusting excuse for a shirt, put on that usual fake smile, make out with your boyfriend and go gossip with the girls like every 'perfect' teenage girl wants to be doing._

Peyton let in a deep breath, straightened her foul yellow blouse._ Brooke would find this absolutely adorable_. She exhaled and plastered her fake smile across her face.

_Good job Peyton. You look perfect. _

_So why don't I feel perfect….?_

'P! Hey P! Over here!' Brooke's cheerful voiced echoed through the school grounds.

_Positive thoughts Peyton. Positive thoughts._

Peyton looked up, her fake smile bigger than it should have been as she looked around in attempt to find Brooke.

_Wow. It's kindof hard not to miss her when she's jumping around like a kangaroo hyped up on caffeine. I need to get me some of that._

Peyton waved to Brooke as she began to walk over to her.

_Nothing happened last night Peyton. _

_Nothing at all._

'Peyton! Hey Peyton!'

Peyton spun around to see the last person she wanted to see.

_Lucas. _She grimaced as she watched him slowly hobble over to her.

_Run Peyton run! He'll never catch up to you, he can barely walk!_

_Yeah, cause I'm the one who bloody hit him last night. _She scolded at herself.

_It's all my fault._

_Once again._

'Peyton…'

It suddenly felt like every single person's eyes were burning in the back of Peyton. She thought she already could hear and feel the whispers forming and spreading in the wind.

_They're looking Peyton. You're not meant to be talking to him. Don't make things go back the way they were…_

Peyton grabbed Lucas' arm and dragged him behind a large maple tree.

'What the hell do you want?' she hissed through her clenched teeth.

_Wow Peyton any bitchier?_ She cursed at herself when she saw the emotional pain wash across Lucas' face.

'I-I just wanted my basketball…'

'What?'

'My basketball. I left it in the backseat of your car.'

'Oh…Sorry…' Peyton stern expression softened and her cheeks redden. _Yeah Peyton, go all ape on his ass because he wanted his basketball back. Nice one._

'So you going to give it to me or?'

Peyton shook out of her inner thoughts. 'What?'

Lucas looked up at her; an amused and confused look was on his face. 'My basketball.' He chuckled.

'Oh yeah, right.' _Stupid Peyton. Stupid. _

Peyton jerked her head around the side of the tree. Brooke still stood in the exact spot where she was before, staring directly at Peyton with her arms folded, the bright joyful smile had disappeared, leaving behind a disapproving frown that replaced it. _She doesn't look too happy. _Peyton gulped.  
Then Peyton noticed the large figure standing next to Brooke, his hands clenched into fists by his sides; anger and rage radiated off him. _Oh crap Nathan._

Peyton returned back to Lucas. 'Uh, can you get it like after school or something? Now's not really a good time…'

'I would, but I need it for basketball practice… Like now.'

_Of course you do._

'Okay come on.' Peyton sighed in defeat as she rearranged the strap on her handbag on her shoulder and begun walking to her car.

She stared straight ahead, trying to ignore the hatred anger that seeped off Nathan and Brooke.

_You have really stuffed it now Peyton. _

Peyton retrieved Lucas' basketball from her backseat and threw it back to him.

'Thanks.' Lucas said gratefully, giving Peyton a small smile.

_Yeah, you'll be lucky to be smiling with a full set of teeth if you're not careful._

'No problem.' Peyton quickly replied as she rushed past him and hesitantly made her way over to where Brooke and Nathan were standing.

_Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap._

_Relax Peyton relax. _

_Okay, just pretend that that did not just happen okay?_

_Now perfect and popular. That's what you need to be._

_No-one ever picks on people who are perfect._

_Fake smile?_

_Check._

_Girly as clothing?_

_Check._

_Hair in perfect curls?_

_Check._

_Bestfriend and boyfriend who love you no matter what?_

_Yeah, not too sure on that one…_

'Hey guys!' Peyton brightly welcomed.

_Fake voice. Fake smile. Fake clothes. Fake life._

Nathan stepped forward.

_Uh oh. He does not look happy._

'What was that about Peyton?' he harshly asked. His voice bitter and loud, demanding a response.

'What was what about Nathan?' Peyton asked, as innocently as she could. _You sound like a bloody three year old Peyton. Real convincing._

Brooke sent Peyton a warning glare.

'Don't act stupid with me Peyton! What the hell were you doing talking to _him? _And why the hell was his basketball in your car?!'

Peyton winced at the tone of his voice. He was starting to scare her. 'Relax Nathan. It's nothing.'

'Well it sure as hell doesn't look like nothing Peyton!'

'Nathan you're over-reacting okay?'

'Then tell me what the hell he was doing in your car?' he sternly asked, gruffly grabbing onto Peyton's arm and dug his fingers into her skin.

Peyton let out a little yelp of pain, already feeling the bruises forming.

_What the hell is going on? This wasn't right. No this isn't meant to be happening._ Peyton stood frozen in shock; her whole body started quivering as thousands of painful taunts echoed in her mind, and a memory she hoped, and prayed that she had long forgotten resurfaced.

_This hurtful touch was just too familiar…._

'Nathan!' Brooke screeched slapping his arm, 'What the hell?! Let go of her now!'

Nathan simply ignored Brooke's attempt at bashing down on his arm and he forcefully shook Peyton to regain her attention to him. 'Answer me!'

Peyton stared into Nathan's eyes. They were cold and empty, as if he wasn't even there anymore.

'Hey man! Let go of her!'

Nathan redirected his attention to the person who spoke, before letting go out an amused laugh. 'Oh yeah? And what the hell are _you_ going to do about it?'

_What the hell is going on?_ Peyton asked, cringing her neck trying to see who had butted in. Her stomach dropped when she saw who it was.

_Lucas. You have got to be kidding. Go away before you get your head kicked in._

'You'll see.' Lucas gritted through his teeth.

Nathan finally let go of Peyton's arm and walked over to Lucas, his face just inches from his. Peyton could still feel Nathan gripping tightly to it, even though he wasn't there.

'So what are you going to do about it?' Nathan smugly asked.

_Don't Peyton. Don't throw away everything you've worked so hard for. Don't throw it away for anyone; especially Lucas Scott._

Peyton watched Nathan's hand turn into a fist, ready to make contact with Lucas in just a matter of seconds.

'Stop it! Both of you!' she screamed as she wedged her way between the small space between them.

_Turn away Lucas_ her eyes screamed as she sent Lucas a pleading and cautioning glare. His deep blue eyes met hers as if he understood what she was trying to plead to him he turned around and began limping away.

Peyton turned and faced Nathan, giving him a sad and disappointed look to him before walking off immediately at the sound of the bell.

-x-

_Thank-god this day is over. _Peyton sighed as she gathered her homework and books out from her locker and shoved them in her bag. This day had seemed to go excruciatingly slow as she tried to make it out in one piece.

By first break Peyton and Nathan had already managed to make-up. Regardless of this underneath Peyton was still infuriated at him, but hey; _You're better off with him anyway._

She had avoided Lucas all day, and thankfully she hadn't seen him once.

Peyton scrunched her face and hissed out a painful grunt as she raised her arm to get the final book she needed. The pain from the bruises Nathan had given her surged up and down her arm right to her fingertips.

'P!'

_Fake smile activate. Ignore the pain Peyton. Ignore the pain._

'Hey Brooke!' she said as cheerfully as she could.

'Thank-god today's over!'

_You can say that again…_

'Yeah!'

'So this chick Grace is having a party, wanna come check it out?'

_No Brooke. I don't. I don't want to go to some party at some randoms and watch you get drunk and hold your hair back as you throw up vomit of all different colours. _

'Sure!'

_Stupid fake Peyton._

'Yay! Come get ready at mine!' she grinned, looping her arm in Peyton and dragging her off to the car park.

-x-

A cold rush of air slapped Peyton in the face as she walked out of the school doors.

'Let's go see Nathan and the guys first!' announced Brooke as she made her way to where the boys were standing.

_My car's the other way…_ Peyton wined in her head as she obediently followed Brooke.

'Hey.' Nathan softly said as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Peyton immediately grew stiff at his touch. She was still so scared and angry at him, but she eventually eased into him.

_That's what a girlfriend does Peyton._

The group chattered indistinctly for a few stray minutes.

Peyton attempted to join in with the conversations that were brewing. _Okay, talking about basketball; wait no, Nathan's last birthday; nope sex now; now about the party tonight. Why must you talk about so much so fast?!_

Peyton's thoughts were interrupted by Tim's ungodly mocking. 'Hey! Old man! Do you need a cane or something?!' The group exploded into hysterical giggles and laughter, coming from each member, all except for Peyton.

She watched Lucas turn around to who had addressed the insult. Although she was several metres away she could see and feel the sadness he was feeling, the same haunting and heartbreaking feeling she used to feel every single day.

A few more insults where thrown to Lucas from other members of the group.

_Don't say anything Peyton. Don't say-_

'That's right you keep walking you bastard!' Nathan screeched at him. As soon as the words escaped his lips Peyton immediately unravelled herself from him.

'That's enough!' she yelled out, louder than she hoped. She saw the smiles and laughter cease to exist in the group as they all stared at her.

_You had to open you big mouth._

'Why are you defending that bastard?' Nathan spat, stepping a step closer to her.

_Make a joke. Run away. Do something Peyton!_

But the real Peyton had had enough. 'I'm sick of your crap Nathan. I'm over it. I'm over you! You make me feel like nothing. This whole relationship was nothing! I'm sick of the way you treat everyone like you're better than them. Here's a newsflash Nathan, you're nothing but a complete jack-ass who likes make people feel like absolute crap. He's your brother for goodness sake!'

The whole group including Nathan was speechless, but his body reeked of anger and you could see the rage building up inside.

_What the hell have you done Peyton?_

**If you want more chapters please review; This was, and still might be a One-Shot.**

**Feedback would be gladly appreciated! **

**-Lexii (:**


	3. Chained to Your History

**Disclaimer- You recognise it, I don't own it.  
-Except for the box set. Does that count?**

**A/N- Sorry guys, shorter chapter this time. But hey at least it's better than nothing!**

**Thankyou to all those beautiful people who have bothered to waste thirty seconds of their life to give me some feedback! It makes me one happy writer! :-)**

**My aim for this story is to present a small example of how stereotypes and influences from others are basically making people lie to themselves in order to 'fit in'. In highschool I see people change and pretend to be someone they're not just to escape from bullying or to gain a higher social status. I absolutely hate this. I hate how people can't be comfortable with being who they are because they fear about what others think of them. I liked Peyton because she was different to other cheerleaders that have been portrayed in movies and TV.**

**-There's a fair bit of swearing. Sorry!**

**Keep those reviews coming!  
And please enjoy!**

**-Lexii xoxo**

**Chapter 3- Chained to Your History**

'Ohhh-kayyy, someone's a little PMSy…' Brooke fake-smiled at the group as she once again wrapped her arm through Peyton's and dragged her closer to her. 'What the hell is wrong with you Peyton?!' Brooke darkly whispered in Peyton's ear so only Peyton could hear.

Adrenaline and anger pumped through Peyton's veins and she could feel her whole body shaking. 'Don't touch me!' she hissed at Brooke, snatching her arm quickly away from Brooke. Brooke recoiled back in shock. Never had Peyton spoken to her like that.

'Peyton what's wrong with you?' Brooke asked, her voice a mix of concern and disgust. A group of onlookers were now every interested and crowded around the group waiting to see the situation that was forming.

Peyton let out a sarcastic breath of air from her nose. '_What's wrong with me?!_ What's wrong with you?!' she exclaimed pointing, circulating her arm at the members of the group. 'You're all nothing but selfish rich man-whores and sluts who don't give a crap about how other people feel. I'm sick of pretending that I actually belong around you. _Why the hell would anyone want to be one of you?! _All you do is get drunk and hook-up and throw up then get drunk all over again. It's complete bullshit! I'm sick of pretending to be some mindless cheerleading slut who has a completely meaningless relationship with a boy who doesn't even know the difference between left and right. I'm sick of pretending to be one of you!' She screamed the last line in pure anger, and she felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest; only for it to be replaced with a sickening feeling of dread and regret tied together with chains and shackles.

_Peyton! You've really screwed it up this time. What the hell are you doing?! Do you want things to go back the way they were?! Do you want everyone to hate you and continuously make your life a misery?! Do you remember how awful you felt day after day? Do you remember how practically every-night you would cry yourself to sleep? Do you remember the sickening feeling in your gut that you use to carry around with you every second you were out of the safety of your room? Do you remember how everytime you saw what lies hidden behind that wristband you would immediately break down into tears? Do you remember how your heart stopped for over three minutes in the ambulance after you got drunk and lost control of your car? Stop being such a bloody idiot and apologize or something! For fucks sake Peyton don't throw away everything you've worked so hard for, for so long. This is the life you're meant to have. If you throw it all away things will go back to the way they were… _

_Don't make things go back to the way they were…._

The anger and determination melted away from her body as the effects of what she just said became perfectly clear. The disgust and hatred were obvious just by the look on each of their faces, not to mention the uncomfortable tension that had formed.

The strong and angry Peyton had disintegrated; leaving behind the broken, fragile Peyton that Peyton wished never existed. Her whole body started shaking and she felt the tears beginning to form in her eyes. She glanced around the group; all had the same stern, repulsive look etched into their face as they glared at her.

_Do what you're best at Peyton;_

_Run._

And with that she did. She pushed past the group of onlookers, wiping away the few stray tears that had fallen down her face. Her breaths were heavy and ridged as her heart yearned for just the slightest chance of forgiveness. But all that flashed in her mind was each member's faces, scolding her, hurting her with the mere use of their eyes.

Her steps may have been strong and in stride; but she felt like her whole body was crumbling beneath. All the pain and confusion of what had just happened a matter of seconds ago was eating her up on the inside. She could feel the hundreds of eyes burning into the back of her. Some fuelled with disappointment, some fuelled with shock, and others fuelled with hatred.

_Why Peyton? Why._

_Why are you such a failure? Why must you always manage to fuck everything up!_

The tears fell faster as her inner thoughts disciplined and confronted Peyton. She just couldn't escape.

'Peyton! Hey Peyton!' an exhausted voice ringed out.

_Run Peyton. Get out of here as fast as you can._

Ignoring the pleading voice she continued on in her stride, wishing what had just happened could be erased as easily as a failed sketch.

'Peyton!' the voice ringed out once again.

_Faster._

She drew a deep breath in as she attempted to quicken her pace, only to be pulled backwards by her shoulder. She gripped her eyes tightly shut, fearing for the worst as she was spun around.

_Fists or words?_

'Peyton are you okay?' The voice questioned, gently holding onto either side of her arms. She hissed in pain as his touch triggered the bruises that Nathan had given to her just hours before.  
'I'm sorry.' He whispered as he slid his arms downwards, until he was holding her hands. She relaxed slightly as the touch was almost soothing; it was not rough, but warm and comforting.  
'Are you okay?' he asked again, quieter this time. The mere sound of his voice instantly calmed the fear from Peyton. She savoured the calming feeling she had gained for a moment before she slowly opened her eyes.

Piercing blue eyes looked directly into hers, and she felt herself melt into them, unable to look away from them, as if she were stuck in a trance.  
'Are you okay?' he whispered even quieter again, while wiping away a stray tear that had fallen with his thumb. The feeling of his touch sent electric bolts throughout her body, knocking her out of her subconscious state.

'Lucas?!' she gaped, shaking off his hands away from her.

'Yeah?' he asked clearly confused.

'What the hell are you doing?!' Peyton hissed, suddenly becoming aware of the attention they were receiving from the remainder of the school. Hundreds of eyes still burned into her, but none more infuriated then those of Nathan and Brooke.

Lucas glanced to where Peyton was staring at. 'What's wrong?' he asked, even though he already knew the answer;_ it was him._

_Peyton, he's already on Nathan's radar. Talking to you is just going to make things worse for him. Don't make him suffer the same fate. Don't make him suffer the same pain and torment you did. _

_He doesn't deserve it…_

_Do what you've been doing for the past year;_

_Pretend._

'Get the hell away from me Lucas. I never have and never will want you to have anything to do with my life. You're nothing but a bloody loser who will never accomplish anything in your pathetic excuse for a life. I will never care about you. I will never _want _to care about you. How do you except me to love you when your own father can't?!' She spat at him before abruptly turning around and storming away. She was barely able to look at him and see all the hurt and pain she caused on him.

As she turned around she could have sworn she saw Nathan wearing the largest smile she's ever seen on him; even bigger than the one he wore when he scored the winning basket in the finals last year.

Peyton struggled with her car keys as she attempted to unlock the door. The walk to her car seemed to take an eternity. It was excruciatingly slow and painful, even though it may have taken her only forty-five seconds, it felt more like forty-five minutes.

Peyton collapsed into her seat. Tears were still streaming down her face as she started the car and sped off out of the school's car park. She tried not to look at his face; she just decided to make meaningless eye contact. _  
Stupid Peyton, stupid.  
_Looking into his eyes was the stupidest thing she could have done. Eyes were the windows to the soul. _  
Yeah you can say that twice._  
As soon as the first seven words that escaped her mouth she saw the hurt and pain she had caused him flash before her. His once soulful eyes suddenly became lifeless and full of hurt and pain in just a matter of seconds.

_It had to be done Peyton._

_Did it really? Did I really have to hurt him that bad? Did I have to hurt myself along the way?_

_It was for the best._

_Was it? Does he too feel this agonising pain I'm feeling in my chest? Does he really believe what I said to him? What happens now? What will he do now? Will he do what I did? Will he start torturing himself like I still do to this day?_

_One day he'll thankyou…._

_Yeah. If he ever speaks to me again…._

Peyton gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter.

_You're a fucking horrible person Peyton. At least when you went off at the group you said the actual truth. _

_Great. Just great._

She inserted a random mix CD and turned the radio on, her cheeks becoming stiff from the new and old tears that kept falling.

_Music makes everything better._

A perfect melody that withdrawals any access fury or vitality.

A loud, obnoxious ballad that intensifies anger or energy

Music; the thing any person can somehow relate too.

Lyrics that hold special memories that come flooding back when you hear that particular song.  
Lyrics that describe memorable moments of your life.  
Lyrics that describe the exact emotion you're feeling.  
Lyrics that describe the exact situation you're in;

And the lyrics that were belting out of Peyton's speakers seemed to fit Peyton's situation completely.

**I really fucked it up this time; didn't I my dear? **


	4. Pictures of You

**Disclaimer- You get the drill.**

**A/N- Same sort of story-line as Season 4's episode **_**Pictures of You**_**. **

**Once again;  
Thankyou all for the marvellous reviews! I love hearing all of your feedback and opinions!  
Keep them coming lovelys xoxo**

**And please,**

**Enjoy!**

**-Lexii xoxo**

**Chapter 4- Pictures of You **

She sat on the edge of her bed, various drawings laid scattered in a mess across the floor, resembling the thoughts that were scurrying around her mind.

_You're such a fucking screw-up Peyton._

She pushed up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them, burying her head against her knees.

_Please, just stop._ She begged herself, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

_No Peyton. You deserve it. You deserve everything coming to you. You deserve everything you've been through. Ruining everything you've worked so hard for over some stupid boy. Now everything's going to go back to the way they use to be.  
You're going to spend every single moment that you're at the school in pure misery. _

_Why not go ahead and grab that razor you hid in the bathroom?  
Maybe cut a little deeper this time._

_Or why not go ahead and drink another bottle of vodka Peyton, and go for a drive.  
Maybe this time you'll be successful for finally killing yourself, considering that's another thing you've failed at._

She couldn't stop these thoughts from forming. They kept taunting her, tormenting her trying to push her over the edge.

And it was beginning to work.

The way Lucas, Nathan and Brooke looked at her still flashes into her mind. The pure hatred and glistening betrayal pierced through Peyton like knives, immediately causing her heart to ache.

She cared about them, she really did. She never wanted them to get hurt through her cascade of lies, she honestly thought pretending to be someone she's not would be simpler; but honestly it just hurt everyone else ten times worst.

_Everyone hates you now._

_You're nothing._

_Always have and always will be._

_Nothing but a emo-try-hard loser._

_Go on Peyton, go get the razor.  
Remember how good it felt as you watched the skin tear away, removing all the pain and suffering in just one single motion?  
Remember the burning sensation of pure pleasure that rushed across your body as you watched the blood pore out?  
Remember how good it felt?  
Go on Peyton, just one little cut.  
Just one tiny little cut._

She unravelled herself from her position and slowly made her way to her bathroom door.

It was always easier to feel physical pain than emotional.

-x-

**Eleven Days Later…**

Monday morning, the day Peyton had been dreading the most. She had successfully managed to skip the entire week before, but now that she was being forced to face everyone and everything that happened the previous weeks was churning and tightening her stomach into knots into unimaginable shapes full of dread and fear.

The principal of her school warned her that if she does not attend every class this week without liable doctor or notes from parents she was at great risk of failing each one of her classes. Since neither her mother nor father was available Peyton had no choice but to face the consequences of her previous outburst.

Peyton purposely made herself late for school to avoid the unwelcoming glares and glances she knew she was going to receive. Even though Peyton was positive there was no chance in hell she would be reunited with her former 'friends', she still came to school in her usual high heels and foul coloured blouse. She had built up this illusion of herself for too long, and she wasn't ready to let it go just yet.

Peyton placed her hand on the handle of the door of her first classroom before she hesitantly opened it. As soon as Peyton appeared in the sight of her other classmates she instantly heard the whispers that were being shared and felt the hatred and beckoning stares burn into the back of her. She sat hidden in the shadows of the desk at the back of the room and wrapped her arms around her.

_It'll get easier…. Won't it?_

-x-

For the first three periods Peyton had successfully been able to avoid those who she really feared seeing again; Nathan, Brooke and Lucas, by just simply ducking quickly through corridors, being late to class and hiding out in the library; things she had managed to perfect at her previous school.

She walked through the abandoned hallways; her stiletto heels dramatically echoing through them after each step she took. Peyton fumbled with the bottom of her blouse, twisting and turning it in fear and anticipation of any miscellaneous insults or fists that would be flying her way as she braced herself before she opened her classroom door.

_Social Studies, the one class that everyone that hates me just so happens to be in.  
Great. Just great._

'Ah Miss Sawyer! So glad you could join us!' Peyton's social studies teacher sarcastically announced, drawing the class' attention to her.  
Peyton let out a small forced smile before cowering in the spare seat hidden in the shadows; ignoring the revulsion and hatred that was seeping off Nathan, Brooke and Lucas.

_I can't do this._

'As I was saying before Miss Sawyer interrupted; Like it or not you are who your classmates see you as.'

That immediately caught Peyton's attention.

_You can say that again…_

'Let's say in highschool there are five universal terms to describe everyone in highschool. As you well know Nathan here would be classified as…'

_The jock…_

'The Jock.'

_A big fat red tick for Peyton._

Nathan fist pumped in the air to agree in celebration.

'Brooke Davis?'

_Prom Queen_

'Prom Queen.' The class harmoniously said.

_Two for two Peyton._

Brooke melodramatically blew a few kisses around the room.

'What about Rachel here?'

_Slut…_

'Slut.' Brooke announced in a cheerful tone.

_Three in a row Peyton, you're on a roll._

'Brooke…' the teacher began

'Sir, it's okay!' Rachel smiled.

'Well, let's say _friendly _then.' He smiled. 'Lucas?'

Peyton refused to answer that one.

'Bastard.' Nathan snickered. Peyton looked at him in shock, her mouth open in disgust.

_Shut that trap Peyton. You basically called him one._ She instantly shut her mouth as the guilt washed over her. Distinctively she bit down on her bottom lip.

She watched Lucas' hand recoil back into a fist on his desk as his body became instantly stiff.

'Nathan! Warning!' the teacher bellowed.

Peyton smiled at that.

'Geek.' Rachel announced turning around to face Lucas before mouthing 'I'm sorry' and winking at him. Lucas just shrugged.

'Okay, geek then. And what about Peyton?'

Peyton froze as her name was mentioned.

_Oh please god no._ She begged to herself as she tightly gripped her eyes tight, trying to avoid all the eyes that were now paying attention to her.

'Backstabber…' She heard Brooke mutter.

_I deserved that…_

Nathan surprisingly remained silent.

'Bitch.' She heard Lucas spitefully say under his breath.

_That hurt._

'Loser!' the other class members sung before breaking down in hysterical giggles.

_Back to the beginning._ Peyton sighed, tears threatening to surface.

'Settle down class!' The teacher bellowed even louder.

_Please stop…._ Peyton desperately begged in her head.

'Let's just say the last universal term is _loner_. Okay? Good. Well now I have an assignment for you to do. I want this half of the room to write down their name on a piece of paper and place it in this hat.' He said pointing at the opposite side of the room from Peyton and pulling at hat out of his desk. As the class did so he continued; 'Everyone has something that they are burying beneath, something that they have never told another soul. Whether it is for the fact that they are somehow ashamed, or even afraid to confront the truth they decide to keep it hidden. I guarantee there is something you don't know about a person regardless of how well you think you know them. ' He takes the hat now filled with names and passes it to the opposite side of the room. 'Now I want you all to pick a name, and that will be your partner for this activity. For the remainder of the class I want you and your partner to grab a camera and a card and try and uncover something you might not know about this person, then take a picture of how your insight to your opinion may have changed in this short period of time.'

Peyton hesitantly took out the reminding folded card in the hat. Her heart sunk at the words coming out of the teacher's mouth. She had worked so hard to build up this lie about her life and now she was supposed to reveal her deepest darkest secrets to strangers or people who now hated her.

_Out of all days you're forced to come to school you come to school today?!  
Stupid Peyton stupid!_ She mentally kicked herself.

_Okay Peyton. Do not and I mean DO NOT reveal to anyone your past. Yeah sure you may have screwed it up with Brooke and Nathan and all that but you can somehow make it up to them. Now remember, your name is Peyton Sawyer. You were born into a rich happy family, where unfortunately your mother died in a tragic car accident that had nothing to do with her running through a red light to pick you up. Your father is a rich business man who constantly travels all around the world to part-take in important meetings. He is not thousands of miles out at sea living on a boat. You have lived a fairly happy childhood who enjoy cheerleading and wearing the latest trends. You spend your weekends going shopping and hanging out with friends; not sitting home alone drawing some….._

'Peyton?' her teacher's voice interrupted her thoughts. 'Who did you get?'

She felt her cheeks redden and she began to unfold her card. _Please not Brooke. Please not Nathan. Please not…_ 'Lucas…' she heard herself gasp as she read the name that was plastered on the piece of paper.

_Oh shit._

'Okay Lucas you're with Peyton.'

She looked up to see Lucas spitefully glaring at her.

_Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.  
_-x-

'Let's just get this over and done with.' Lucas muttered as he headed out the classroom door and into the corridor. Peyton hesitantly followed behind. 'First instruction; Icebreaker. Take your partner to your favourite place in the school and explain why it is your favourite place.' Lucas read out loud. 'Come on.' He said flatly, avoiding her gaze as he turned around and hurriedly headed down the corridor.

_At least he can walk properly now. _Peyton muttered under her breath as rushed after him, while maintaining a reasonable distance away from him.

-x-

Lucas pushed open the ever too familiar doors of the gymnasium, and held it open, patiently waiting for Peyton to enter.

_He's still being nice even after all the crap I said to him? Way to make me feel even worst._ Peyton thought as she entered the gymnasium.

_Why the hell did you hold the door open for her man? You've gone bloody soft._

_Say something Peyton. _

'The gymnasium?' Peyton asked.

_Smooth Peyton._

Lucas just nodded at her.

'Why?'

Lucas raised an eyebrow at her question.

_Why the hell does she want to know?_

Peyton understood the questioning look on his face. 'I mean why here? Why on Earth would this place be your favourite place in the entire school? I've seen how terrible the other team mates treated you….'

'You mean the same way you treated me?' Lucas snapped back, his face immediately softened as he saw the flash of emotional pain wave over Peyton's face. He hated hurting people; not matter how much they may have hurt him, of course excluding a few certain 'family' members.

'_I deserved that…_' she muttered, dropping her head to the floor as she began fighting back the tears. She never meant to stoop to their level. She did it for him.

_Bitchy mode activate. Might as well keep up this charade._

'You deserved it…' she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

Lucas jerked back in disgust. Anger overtook his body and bubbled through his veins.  
'Excuse me? I deserved what you said to me?! You don't know me Peyton! All I did was try and help you and you turn around and say that to me? Why the hell would you say that?!'

Peyton shook her head in frustration and snorted a breath of air out of her mouth.  
'You still don't get it do you?!' She laughed, completely fuelled with rage and disbelief.

'Oh do enlighten me Peyton!' Lucas stated, throwing his hands up in the air.

_Don't Peyton you've said too much already….._

Peyton bit down on her lip, hard. How could she be so close to revealing everything she worked so hard for?

Lucas looked away from her and let out a sarcastic laugh when he realised she wasn't going to reply. He was so sick of her pathetic games.  
'You know what Peyton? I'm sick of trying to be the nice guy, trying to be there for you. All I tried to do was to see if you were okay, to show that I actually cared about you, that I actually gave a damn. But no! I wasn't good enough for you. I'm a, and I quote; _a bloody loser who will never accomplish anything in your pathetic excuse for a life. _Well I'm sorry I'm not one of those mindless, inconsiderate jocks that all the girls drool over. God forbid you get caught talking to me; it's the end of your social life! Well here's a newsflash Peyton! There are more problems that people face than having to worry about what other people think of you! Not everything is as easy as being a bloody cheerleading skank whose only worry is to make sure they brush their _perfect hair!_'

Lucas was surprised with himself. He never allowed himself to go off like that. But he had to admit; it felt good.

Peyton jerked her head upwards in Lucas' direction.

_Who the fuck does he think he is? _She angrily questioned in her head. Pure rage pumped through her body as the nerve to prove just how wrong his accusations were.

_No Peyton! Keep your mouth-_

'You think I have it easy Lucas?!'

_Shut…_

'You think my whole life is a fucking fairy-tale? Do you think its easy living day to day completely alone because your father is out living on a god-damn fishing boat in the middle of the Pacific while your mother is buried six feet underground because she ran through one red light? Do you think it was easy living day to day with constant abuse echoing in your ear from your so called friends? Do you think its easy living day to day pretending to be someone that I'm not in order to fit in and avoid reliving that hell all over again? Do you think it's easy that I spent two days unconscious and almost an entire week all alone in a hospital room without a single phone call or card after I collided with a tree after drinking a whole bottle of vodka?' Peyton's entire body was trembling and her mind was black and barely had any control to what was flowing freely through her mouth.

_Shuttup now Peyton. For the love of God shut your-_

'You don't know a single detail about me Lucas!'

_Mouth…_

'That crap I said to you? I didn't mean a word of it. Not one single word. It hurt me just as much as it hurt you. I said it to protect you Lucas! For god's sake Lucas are you bloody blind?! I knew the crap Nathan would have put you through and I couldn't let him do that to you! I've been through that hell, hell I'm going through it right now. You don't deserve the shit that I've been going through my whole life. You have no idea how much crap I have suffered through day after day. I've had no-one by my side Lucas. Not one single person was there for me. No-one! You have no idea how long I have to struggle and fight against myself to keep myself from ending my own bloody life!' She yelled as she ripped away her leather wrist band, revealing the old and fresh scars that lay on her wrist. Tears were falling freely down her face, one after another as she just collapsed down onto the gymnasium floor.

_Why do you never listen to me Peyton?_ Her mind cursed at her as she was bombarded with some form of regret.

She wrapped her arms around her legs, bringing them closer to her as she buried her head against her knees; her sobs echoed through the partially empty gym.

Her mind faded to black as she struggled for air in-between her sobs. Pain shot through her chest as she gasped for air, her whole body beginning to shake from the sudden coldness that overwhelmed her.

She felt arms tightly wrapping around her, drawing her closer. His body heat instantly warmed her freezing cold skin as she buried her head against his chest. The sound of his heart quieted her sobbing as she became mesmerised by the beating rhythm that was playing.

He playfully tantalised her curls with his finger, gently soothing her as he rubbed his hand over her back trying to calm her.

Lucas bent his head down into the crook of her neck, and silently whispered;

'I'll always be there for you Peyton.'


	5. Pictures of Me

**A/N- Okay few things, **

**Firstly I changed the rating to an M, which was long overdue and much more appropriate.**

**Secondly, as usual, thankyou to those fabulous reviewers, they make my entire week and give me the motivation needed.**

**And finally, I think I may have gone a bit overboard writing this chapter, but nevertheless I hope you enjoy!  
Opinions would be greatly appreciated (:  
**

**Thankyou!**

**-Lexii. xoxo**

**Chapter 5- Pictures of Me**

'That Peyton girl looks familiar…' Rachel questioned, exhaling a breath of smoke from the rolled up joint she held in her hand. 'Like I've seen her before….'

Brooke's body noticeably became tense at the mention of Peyton's name, but she continued applying her lip gloss in the mirror, trying to seem like she really didn't care about anything that had to do with Peyton, when really she couldn't shake her off her mind.

Yeah, of course Brooke was pretty pissed at her. Who would blame her? After the things her supposed 'bestfriend' called her, she had a pretty damn good reason to.

Brooke had shared every single detail of her life to Peyton, every single secret, every single crush, every single embarrassing moment, every single hook-up.  
Up until eleven days ago she would have trusted Peyton with her life, but now all she felt was betrayal and confusion.

Brooke couldn't deny that she was worried about Peyton; her sudden outburst just wasn't her. Peyton had been closer to Brooke than her own parents had been. But it still couldn't shake the hurt Peyton's words had caused her.  
Yeah, she had been called a slut a few times before, okay more than a few, but the fact that those words came from someone that Brooke cared for, caused a million times more pain.

'You've probably had her in a few classes before. But she hid in the back like a loser.' Brooke turned around and replied to Rachel, allowing the hurt and anger she was feeling to spitefully roll off her tongue.

Rachel leaned against a cubicle door and tilted her head up and to the side, her eyebrows wrinkled as her fogged mind tried to pin-point the location to where she had seen Peyton before. She breathed in another puff of the joint before offering it over to Brooke.

After a few seconds of mindful thinking, Brooke accepted the joint and placed it in her mouth, trying not to gag from the smoke she had inhaled.

'No. Not class. I met her somewhere before, a little while ago actually. I just don't know where.' Rachel pouted, once again taking possession of the joint after Brooke finally decided she couldn't handle it.

'Rachel…' _cough cough._ 'You've been here for like what? A month?'

'Yeah so?' Rachel questioned, her eyebrow raised.

'Well, you've probably seen her like around town or some vacation or something you know?'

'Hmm, maybe…' Mumbled Rachel as she once again took another puff. 'Oh well. Doesn't matter anyway.' She shrugged after giving up searching through her clouded mind.

'Yeah, doesn't matter….' Brooke muttered, not convinced by her own words.

-x-

'_I'll always be there for you Peyton…'_

Those six short words echoed through her head, over and over again, trying to determine the truth behind them.

She had been stupid enough to believe those words before…

'_I'll always be there for you Peyton.' Her mother once said as she waved Peyton off to school.  
Six and a half hours later, she was dead._

'_I'll always be there for you Peyton.' Her father once said, as he brushed a loose curl behind her ear.  
A week later he left her standing there alone on the jetty, watching the ship disappearing into the distance.  
Twelve months later, she'd only seen him four times._

'_I'll always be there for you Peyton.' The girl she had been closest with for over three years had once said, as she wrapped her arms around her to comfort her.  
That was before Peyton went to her house to find it abandoned and empty.  
_

'_I'll always be there for you Peyton. Don't you trust me?' the boy of her dreams teased, gently and slowly lowering his hands down her sides, until they brushed underneath the fabric of her jeans against her hips.  
Her mouth said yes, as her mind screamed no.  
He convinced her she was ready; for him she wanted to be.  
But after that he never spoke to her again.  
Unless you count all the heartbreaking insults she had been given._

'_I'll always be there for you Peyton.' Her 'bestfriend' once said, a smile spread across her face, and sincerity in voice.  
Then everyone in the school started hating her;  
And her 'bestfriend' did too…_

But Lucas wasn't like that was he?

She pressed her head closer to Lucas' chest, biting her lip, deep in thought as she managed to stifle a few more sobs, tears still flowing freely down her face, some relatively fast, others excruciating slow.

'P-please don't tell….' She quietly gasped, closing her eyes, scared of what his answer may be. She felt his body become stiff underneath her.

_Guess he is like all the others. Peyton why did you jeopardise everything you've worked so hard for?! After everything you've done to Lucas I'm surprised that he even looks at you.  
He'll be just like all the others. They said they would be there for you Peyton. Do you remember that? They'd said it. They used those exact words. They actually convinced you they cared, and then what did they do?  
They turned on you.  
Made you do things you don't want to do. Used you for their own sick twisted method of entertainment.  
Listen to me Peyton.  
Don't trust him.  
You can't trust anyone but yourself._

To her dismay, she felt Lucas' arm let go. She suddenly felt vulnerable, open and exposed; she shivered slightly as fear crept up her body. She expected him to throw her to the ground, to discard her like the piece of trash she was; to throw insults or even fists at her. But instead, he cupped his hands around her cheeks and brought her gaze to his. She saw the concern and sympathy circulating his eyes and she felt the tears well up again.

'For you Peyton Sawyer, anything.'

She had only seen that look once before, to the one person who was actually there for her in her time of need. Sure, it might have been a few days late, but that doesn't ignore the fact that he was actually there. Her father was the one she trusted most, the only other person who she told of the horrific suffering and abuse of how she had been manipulated and abused; and with thanks to the look in Lucas' eyes, she knew she could trust him too.

-x-

'You never told me why the gym was your favourite place.' Peyton pointed out as they sat on the bleachers after she had finally managed to calm herself down.

He looked over to her, a crooked smile pursed on his lips. 'Well it's simple; when I'm playing basketball it doesn't matter who you are beyond those doors. From the moment that siren rings nothing else matters, not anyone opinions, not any problems I have been facing in that week,' Peyton raised her head and looked into Lucas' eyes. She swore she could see happiness dancing around them. 'It's a place to escape.'

Peyton pulled her knees up closer to her chest and adverted her eyes from him. 'I know the feeling…' she quietly announced.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. 'So where would be your favourite place in the school?' he asked almost teasingly.

Peyton looked back up at Lucas and a smile sprang to her lips. 'Come on.' She said, standing up and offering her hand to his. With no hesitation and a rather large smile plastered on his face he generously accepted her hand and they walked out the gymnasium door, hand in hand.

-x-

'Well this is it. My favourite place in the school.' Peyton announced quietly, leaning against the door, trying to make herself as small as possible.

'The library?' Lucas questioned with his eyebrow raised.

'Is that such a surprise?' Peyton nervously asked.

'Well, yeah...'

'Why?' she asked, twisting one of her curls around her finger. She already knew why.

_Cheerleaders aren't meant to be in the library. Come on Peyton you're smarter than throwing away everything you've built for some stupid assignment.  
_But Peyton just shook the voice out of her head; she was tired of listening to her subconscious. Lucas was being completely honest to her even though this was everything she had told herself not to, she had to tell him. She w_anted_ to tell him.  
When she confessed almost everything she had been through it was a relief. There wasn't a heavy, sickening feeling overtaking her chest, and for once in so long she finally felt free and happy.  
She finally felt like herself.

'Well…. Er….' Stammered Lucas, obviously struggling to find the correct words without offending Peyton. He had managed to have a proper conversation with her; one that he had never felt comfortable to tell anyone else. She trusted him enough to tell her struggles she has had to face, to overcome, even if it was all blurted out in a fit of rage, Lucas appreciated it, that out of all people to open up to, she opened up to him.

He was finally beginning to understand just who the real Peyton was.

From the moment she had arrived to Tree Hill, everyone was completely oblivious to everything she had been hiding except for him. He knew there was more to Peyton Sawyer than she was letting up.  
He saw the way her nose scrunched up everytime she saw the clothing she was wearing.  
He saw how uncomfortable and how her eyes would be fuelled with fear worry when she was standing around with Nathan and the gang.  
When Peyton finally went off the rails, it was the first time he saw the real Peyton that had been hiding; and he liked that strong, vulnerable Peyton.  
He finally saw the Peyton that suddenly didn't give a damn about anyone else's opinions.  
He saw the Peyton that spoke her mind; and it was all worth it… even if that meant attacking himself.

'Cheerleaders don't belong in the library?' Peyton finished his sentence; a taunting smile pursed on her lips. Lucas rubbed the back of his neck.

'Why the library?' he asked, adverting her generalisation.

Peyton shrugged her shoulders and directed her attention back to the floor. 'I guess it's the same for you and the gym. It's a place to escape. Escape from everything I guess. I can be alone; it's like a safe haven…'  
_Where I can finally be myself._ She mentally added. She glanced back at Lucas who had a small smile was spread across his face. 'What?' Peyton snickered, as she pulled back a loose curl behind her ear. A smile spread on her face as well.

Lucas shook his head. 'Nothing.' he smiled, allowing his glance to linger a few more seconds than necessary.

-x-

'Ask your partner three questions that you want to know about them.'

_Great. More questions. _

'You start?' Lucas suggested.

_Great._

'Uh. Okay. Umm. So,' she paused looking around the room trying to find something that would trigger a question in her mind. 'What's your favourite colour?'

_What's your favourite colour? What are you Peyton? Five?! Oh, my god._

She felt her cheeks redden as she heard Lucas let out a humourous laugh.

_Idiot._

'Come on Peyton.' He protested, walking over and gently grabbing his hands in hers, drawing her eyes to his. She felt her knees buckle underneath her, as she melted into his eyes. 'There has got to be something you want to know about me. Anything. No limits whatsoever. Anything you want to know, I'll be one hundred per cent honest.' He continued, a small smile drifted onto his lips.

_Ask him Peyton. You've wanted to know this ever since you found out._

_No! Are you crazy? He'll hate me. I can't ask him that. It'll hurt him._

_He said 'No limits whatsoever' Peyton. I'm pretty sure that means no limits. At all._

_I said no!_

'Peyton?

'What do you want to do once you finally get out of here?' she asked in a blur, avoiding the question she really wanted to ask.

'Good question.' Lucas acknowledged, moving away and leaning against one of the bookshelves, hands deep in his pockets. Peyton followed Lucas and leaned against the bookshelf, their shoulders slightly brushing together.

'Well, there is the option of professional basketball. Whitey says I'm a natural; and I honestly wouldn't really mind playing for the rest of my life but there's something else…' he said, trailing off, adverting his gaze to hers.

'Something else?' Peyton asked curiously, placing her hand on his shoulder, showing a subtle, yet beneficial gesture of support. Lucas turned to her and breathed out a small laugh.

'If basketball didn't work out properly, or even on the side, I wouldn't mind writing a novel or two. I already have a manuscript half completed.' He smiled shyly, his cheeks becoming a deep red.

_Writing? _

_Did not see that coming._

'That's really cool Lucas.' She smiled.

_Writing? Cool? Are you kidding yourself Peyton? That is by far the lamest thing I have heard come out of his mouth. Loser._ Her inner tortured cheerleading subconscious teased in her mind.

'Okay my turn.' Lucas announced, crossing his arms firmly against his chest, his previous goofy expression now disappeared, to be replaced with a stern look that sent shivers up Peyton's spine.

_Crap Peyton. What the hell did you do? _

His gaze burnt into hers and she felt her chest starting to cave in.

_You're gunna get it now Peyton. Look at him; he's going to hurt you or something. You never should have offered him a ride in your car. God damn it Peyton. LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!_

The silence began making Peyton struggle to breathe. She made her way to the opposite bookshelf, looking around the library looking for the nearest escape route, a habit she had regrettably gained from her previous school.

'Is that NOFX album in the car really yours?' he asked smugly, his eyes already revealing he knew the answer.

Peyton was slapped in the face with relief, her whole body relax and she had to fight to stop herself from collapsing.  
'W-What?!' She asked in disbelief. She was so certain he was going to say something to hurt her.

Everyone else did.

'Is that NOFX album in the car really yours?' he repeated, a smile once again spread on his lips.

_NO PEYTON._

_YOU LISTEN TO GWEN STAFANI, BEYONCÉ -_

'Yes.' She nervously answered, letting out a small laugh.

'Knew it!' He claimed out in victory, throwing his hands up in the air.

'So your turn Peyton. Remember anything. I'll tell you anything,' He smiled reassuringly. Lucas figured the more he'd open up to her, the more she'd open up to him.

'H-how much did I hurt you saying those things to you?' She asked, dropping her head in guilt and shame.

It was Lucas this time that let out the nervous laugh. 'I'm not going to lie, I was pissed. Hell I was more than pissed Peyton. I hated you for what you said. What you said hurt me so bad I felt something break in me.'

As Lucas' confessions drifted into her ears, the tears immediately started welling up, the guilt twisting her heart up into unimaginable shapes.  
'I'm sorry.' She whispered, her lip quivering.

Lucas approached her and grabbed both of her hands, holding them gently. 'I hated you because I didn't understand why you said that. But now I understand just why you did it, you were protecting me from Nathan; from everyone, and now I'm the one that's sorry.' She could hear the sincerity in his voice, but her mind just wouldn't accept it.

_No one has ever apologised to you before Peyton; why do you think people would start now. You can't trust him.  
Don't trust him._

She kept her head down, and let out a short nod, saying nothing at all.

'My turn…' He continued on, turning her hand around so the back of her hand rested on his palms. Gently he untied the string to allow the frail, worn leather band to fall from her wrist, revealing the silver and bloodied scars that lay across them.

Watching the light that once illuminated Lucas' face, extinguish at the sight of her scars made more tears form. The shame of allowing him to see them made her stomach lurch and her whole body began trembling.

_Why are you so vulnerable around him Peyton?  
Why do you allow yourself to open up the way you do for him?  
You were friends with Brooke for years and not once did you tell her about your past; but you'll tell him every single fucking detail we have been burying beneath us.  
Why?_

'What made you do this to yourself?' His voice cracked as he almost silently whispered it to her, he too on the verge of tears.

Peyton allowed her body to slowly descend to the ground, unable to hold herself up anymore, too physically exhausted to simply stand as the truth overwhelmed her. Lucas too slid down with her, not once letting her hand go.

'At my old school, I had one only friend. I wasn't classified as 'popular' and I sure as hell didn't cheerlead. But for some reason I wanted to be them. They seemed so perfect, loved by everyone and everything. Then, suddenly, out of the blue the popular girl invites you to her house after school, and at first I didn't even say yes, because I thought it was just a joke; I mean why me? There were always more interesting and prettier girls out there, yet she chose me.  
But then she convinces you and you leap at the opportunity. Next thing you know you're borrowing her clothes, spending all your free time with her, sharing each other's secrets.  
So you let yourself believe that this is really happening, that you're actually friends with the popular girl and all her friends, even if you listen to punk or create 'emo' artwork.  
Then there's a boy that you think actually likes you for you. But really he's one of them. He acts like he's not, and that's what makes him attractive. Then one night he tells you he wants to be with you. But you're not ready, not yet, but you don't tell him that.  
Fast-forward a few weeks with no phone-calls from him or your new friends. Whispers are circulating the hallways, suffocating you. Everyone looks at you differently, calls you the most heartbreaking names imaginable. People throw your books around, threatening you, hitting you, and you still have no idea why.  
Then you find the post about yourself online, rating everything of yours; your body, your looks, how well you performed that night, out there for the world to see. You think after a few months it would go away, it never did.  
I just couldn't deal with it Lucas….' She finished tear after tear falling from her eyes.

'Oh my god Peyton…' Lucas began, his voice broken, utterly speechless.

'Lucas, don't. It was a long time ago. I've heard just about every single piece of inspirational advice out there.'

_Oh! So now you decide to lie to him?!  
Oh no! Tell him what happened then pretend you've told others?!  
You and I both know he's the first person you've told. You haven't even told your own father!_

She wiped the tears falling freely from her eyes. Lucas' eyes were now glazed over with disbelief, his skin drained of colour and his face expressionless.

_Crap.  
Say something Peyton._

'So my turn right?' she asked, trying to add a more expressive tone in her voice.

Lucas just nodded.

_Ask him now._

_I can't! I can't ask him that!_

_Sure he can know every single detail of your life but you refuse to try and get answers for your questions?!  
The hell is wrong with you Peyton?_

'Just ask it.' Lucas said flatly.

'What?

'I can see you arguing with yourself, just ask me.' he said a smile drawn on his face, but his eyes still lifeless. He placed his hand on her lower thigh. 'Anything Peyton. It's okay.'

'You don't have to answer if you don't want to okay?'

'Just ask me.' he laughed, with a touch of annoyance.

'What's it like knowing that Dan chose Nathan over you?' She hesitantly asked.

'I knew you were going to ask that.' He smiled. 'Well, in some ways it does hurt. Seeing Dan spending time with Nathan and calling him 'son' makes me feel so abandoned. In other ways I'm actually grateful. If he hadn't of left my mother I never would have been raised by Uncle Keith, who is and will always will be more of a man than Dan. Keith is more of a father to me than Dan will ever be. Plus, Dan's teaching methods aren't exactly….. _perfect_. He's caused so much misery to not only my mother or anyone else who has come in contact with him, but also to Nathan. I honestly feel sorry for him.'

'You? Feeling sorry for Nathan? Wow. Didn't expect that.' Peyton chuckled.

'Never to be repeated outside this room.' Lucas joked as he stood up and offered Peyton a hand.

Once Peyton stood back up, Lucas went back and once again leaned against the bookshelf. His body language was stiff and he had a tight scowl etched into his forehead, but the corner of his lip was up, showing a gentle smirk.

_If it wasn't for that smile it looks like he's ready to kill you._ Peyton allowed a small stifled laugh to escape her lips at her inner thoughts, regardless of the fact that her thoughts weren't at the very least funny.

'My turn.' Lucas announced, questioning her sudden change in facial emotions. 'What really goes through your mind Peyton?'

Peyton raised one of her eyebrows in confusion.  
'What do you mean?' she questioned, tilting her head sideways.

'I mean what do you think about, what do you talk about in there? Do you ever fight with yourself? Doubt yourself? Laugh at the crude or humourous comments that randomly pop up in there?'

'I guess…' she answered, still confused.

'Enlighten me?'

'Well…'

_Shuttup Peyton!  
Don't let him in your head!  
Don't let him manipulate you like this!  
It's none of his damn business!  
It's ours! No one else's!_

'I-I guess I doubt myself. A lot. And I put myself down, convince myself that I'm never good enough, that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm not popular enough. I repeat everything that has ever hurt me over and over again, trying to get myself to learn and avoid myself from ever feeling as useless or hurt as I use to.  
But this voice, this stupid voice in my head is there. It's always there. I may be hours away from what hurts me the most, but this voice makes me relive it, every single second of every single day. It tells me who I should be. It tells me that I need to be pretty and popular so things never go back to the way they were.  
It's amazing how much power the popular people manages to possess, and it's also fucking scary.  
No-one ever dares to touch them, to hurt them in anyway. They hold power over every single student in the school, and go to ridiculous lengths to humiliate and destroy every single ounce of self-esteem they possess.  
I've been through it before Lucas, and it was hell, being one of their stupid little play things in their soul crushing games of torture. So what did I tell myself? If you can't beat them, join them. And I did. I changed every single detail about me in order to escape that hell again.  
I mean a cheerleader who likes punk music, who's an artist, who's dark and moody but still popular? That doesn't exist Lucas, and in this world if it has been decided if it's not accepted to do this or that then you can be made going through hell, just for being yourself.  
I want to be myself Lucas. I want to stop listening to this voice in my head. I want to stop being so afraid of what others may think about me. I want to stop pretending Lucas.  
I just want to be me.' her voice cracked, as she finally heard the truth she had been scared to face.

He pulled her closer, holding her tightly in his arms, her head buried into the crook of his neck. He could feel the warm tears cascade down his neck and soaking his shirt. But he didn't care.  
He finally understood who the real Peyton Sawyer was.

After a few moments he pulled her away, gently clutching either side of her shoulders, wiping away the few stray tears with his thumb.  
'Peyton, I don't think there's a girl on the planet who wakes up every day and feels good about herself. It just doesn't happen, regardless of who beautiful they may be. If you want to be you than be you. Stop pretending.'

'How?' she asked him with big pleading eyes. 'How?'

-x-

'Are you sure about this Lucas?'

'Just let go Peyton. Be you. Not the idea of you. You.'

-x-

'Is it just me or does it look like my nose is like, squished?' Lucas asked, his face scrunched up in disgust, pointing at his nose in his photograph.

'I think it's the cutest little nose I have ever seen.' She teased in a young child's voice.

She smiled at the photograph she had taken of him, and in her opinion it was the perfect shot.

Lucas was flying mid-air, performing a slam dunk with a basketball in his left hand, just millimetres away from the basket. In the other hand Lucas held his half completed manuscript open, with him staring deeply at its contents.

'Here's yours Miss Sawyer.' He said in a rather foolish attempt a British accent, presenting the freshly printed photograph in his hand.

'Wow. I hardly recognise myself…' she muttered looking harder at the photograph in her hand.

Peyton was dressed in an old worn out _ACDC _t-shirt they had found in lost and found. She wore Lucas' three-sizes-too-big black Converses, and her usual sleek, tamed hair was teased and ruffled like a wild uncontrollable beast. She had on large oversized headphones protruding through her curls, and her tongue stuck out as her arms were stretched out infront of her, only her index and pinkie fingers stood straight up, presenting the classic symbolism for rock.

It presented Peyton Sawyer perfectly.

_-x-_

_Today I spent an hour with Peyton Sawyer;_

_Not the girl who is the bitchy, popular, cheerleading Peyton Sawyer;_

_But the real Peyton Sawyer._

_The girl who has been hidden under silky material of disgusting colours._

_The girl who listens to punk and draws twisted artworks that actually mean something._

_The girl who has fought through hell, and who has managed to pull through stronger than ever._

_And I must say,_

_I like this Peyton even more._


	6. Bestfri(end)sism

**Disclaimer- Don't Own it. At all.  
Lyrics- **Angra- Scream your heart out

**A/N- I am so so sorry for the late update!  
With school, work, holiday season as well as having to travel over four hours on more than one occasion for various hospital operations and check-ups for my little brother and not to mention my birthday last week things have been pretty hectic!**

**I was going to end it with the previous chapter but I realised there is so many more things I can do and cover so I have decided to continue!  
As usual a BIG thankyou to those who reviewed, I'm glad you're all enjoying it! Makes me a very happy writer! :-)**

**I promise I shall update as soon as possible!  
If you think this is worthy for a review or even constructive criticism please don't hesitate!**

**Enjoy!**

**-Lexii xoxo**

**Chapter 6- Bestfri(end)sism**

For the first time in a long time Peyton could finally say she had a good day. She wore the first genuine smile that caused her cheeks to ache and she couldn't deny it was all because of one blue-eyed boy.  
As much as her subconscious wanted to deny it, Lucas Scott was actually one of the very few people she could finally trust. For her it didn't matter his social status or the fact that he was Nathan's brother, all that mattered to her is that she finally felt comfortable enough to allow all the pain she was feeling on the inside finally out, to relieve her of the pain and heartache it had caused her for so many years.

Lucas was able to comprehend and understand, while also allowing extra support, unlike Brooke. Brooke had always told her everything, from her crushes to more private problems that remained behind closed doors that she had never told anyone else besides Peyton. As Brooke always liked to say _'You have to trust and tell your bestfriend everything, it's like the rules of bestfriendsism' _a comical twist on a quote from one Brooke's all-time favourite movie _Mean Girls._  
On more than one occasion Peyton was ready to break and confess to Brooke about her past, but she always struggled to find the words. With Brooke you needed to be delicate. You can't go screaming around like Peyton first did with Lucas. If you were to start screaming at Brooke it was almost her natural instinct to scream right back without even processing the words.

But no matter how hard she tried, her subconscious convinced her otherwise. She had spent so much time and effort into trying to build up this image of herself and honestly she was scared that the moment she opened her mouth everything she had worked so hard for would crumble away and suddenly she would be right back where she started, living a life where she would be rather dead than who she is.

So eventually she just gave up and tried to bury the past behind her, trying to forget all the insults and pain that she had lived through, made a vow to herself she would never reveal who she was or who she used to be.

That was until Lucas Scott showed up.

She had confessed everything she swore she wouldn't to a guy she had barely spoken to up to twelve days ago, so it made her question why she couldn't do the same thing to Brooke Davis. The closest thing to a friend she had ever had.

Well, that was up until Peyton broke and called her a 'selfish rich slut'.

Yeah sure, Brooke had her flaws. Brooke intoxicated wasn't Peyton's favourite memories, that seemed to dwell a lot, but those moments when they would talk about literally anything, or just watch some pointless movie that Brooke was obsessed with, or even perving on the local or tourist boys that found their way to the beach, those were the ones that counted most.

But then again Peyton couldn't talk about flaws. Hell if you were to look up 'flaws' in the dictionary there would probably be a picture of Peyton square bam in the middle of the page. She had stuffed up so many times it could probably be a world record.

But now Peyton was willing to try, to man up and apologise. To win back the friend she had spent so many hours with, if Brooke would even want her back.

It was simple;  
All Peyton had to do was allow her mouth to talk, and in her past she just never could.

But now she decided she could.

-x-

The sight of the bright red door infront of her immediately sent shivers down her spine. The sweet setting of the twilight sky did not cease the graphic slurring in the pit of her stomach from becoming denser and more violent each step closer to the bright red door.

When she finally reached the door it felt like the pit of her stomach was trailing miles behind her. The a mix of anxiety and fear rose to the back of her throat as she gently pushed the doorbell, the simple touch instantly sending chills down her arm which seemed to wrap tightly around her heart, taunting her that in a single second it could easily shatter to pieces.

The bright red door opened to reveal a professionally dressed Victoria Davis.  
'Yes? What do you want?-No, not you Tomas I have someone at the door. One of Brooke's friends I think. Hold on.' She pulled her cell phone away from her perfected styled hair and held her hand over the receiving end.  
'Peyton isn't it? Can I help you?'

_Yes you can help me. I'm screwed up in the head. _

_Am not._

'Is Brooke home?' Peyton asked, slightly shocked by just how quiet and vulnerable her voice actually sounded.

'I think so. Just go straight up.' Victoria stated, clearly disinterested considering she was already retreating the phone back to her ear.

'Actually, could you get her for me?'

Victoria let out a small huff of annoyance before trailing to the opposing room where Peyton knew were the location of the stairs. She'd been there so many times she knew Brooke's house like the back of her hand.

Peyton felt more than physically sick. Each second that ticked by made her even more lightheaded and sick. Bile slowly rose to her throat as anxiety seemed to take over every emotion in her body.

She gripped the bottom of her silky blouse, twisting it tightly around her finger, trying to concentrate at one source of slight pain given to her by the smooth fabric.

'Hello?' Brooke's voiced echoed from the opposing room. Peyton was about to call out, but her voice got caught in her throat, causing her to slightly choke and stutter.  
'Oh, it's you.' Brooke's eyes darkened and her smile dropped. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her, folding her arms across her chest.  
'What do you want?' she spitefully said, hatred rolling off her tongue.

'I-I wanted to apologise. What I said to you I didn't mean B.'

'Don't call me that.' Brooke shot back at her.

Peyton felt the imaginary force around her heart squeeze tighter.

'B...Brooke really, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you with what I said. I would give anything to take back what I said to you. Please Brooke, please. You're my bestfriend.'

'Was. I was your bestfriend Peyton.' Brooke unfolded her arms and walked towards Peyton, her finger raised, pointing directly at Peyton's chest. 'That was before you betrayed me.'

Tears were welling in both girls' eyes, although for both very different reasons. Brooke's were based on pure anger and betrayal that she had been feeling from the very moment those words escaped Peyton's mouth. Peyton's on the other hand were on the pure basis of guilt and hurt from the words that spilt out of Brooke's mouth.

Brooke once again crossed her arms over her head and let out a frustrated sigh.  
'Guys screw you over, but you and I were bestfriends Peyton. Best. Friends.' Her voice was a mixture of pain and disgust, placing emphasis on a few selected words.  
In a much quitter voice she almost silently whispered; 'I thought that meant something…'

'Of course it meant something Brooke! God Brooke you will never know how sorry I am. There was never a point since those words escaped my mouth that I haven't felt guilty and I hate myself for it. I never meant for you to question our friendship, but I want you to know there was never a point during this whole thing that you weren't my bestfriend.'

'Well Peyton honestly I'm glad you feel what you feel, because you deserve it. I've been called a selfish rich slut before, and honestly it never mattered to me. But coming from you? My supposed bestfriend? That hurt more than anything I have ever felt before. So thankyou for nothing.' Brooke screamed back, before retreating back into the house and slamming the door, leaving behind a tear stricken, heartbroken Peyton.

-x-

_What the fuck is wrong with you Peyton._

_All you had to do was one thing. ONE LITTLE THING._

_If you hadn't opened your big fat mouth we wouldn't be in this situation now would we?_

_Huh?!_

_You wouldn't be crying into your pillow like the big loser you are. You wouldn't have destroyed everything you worked so hard for all because you 'wanted to feel better'._

_Well do you feel better now huh?_

_Feel better knowing you ruined not only your life but also Brookes? _

_Do you know how hard we're going to have to work to get back to how life used to be?_

_Before you became so weak you couldn't keep your mouth shut._

_Please stop…_

_You screw up everything Peyton. _

_Stop…_

_Everything._

'STOP!' she called out loud in her empty bedroom, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she clutched the pillow to her chest tightly.

_Or what Peyton?_

_What are you going to do huh?_

Peyton scrambled off her bed and desperately pressed the play button on her surround stereo. The moment her finger pressed the button she slid down to the floor, allowing tears to fall freely, allowing the rhythm and vibration of the music elope her thoughts.

_**Scream your heart out.  
Put your soul into it.  
Time to fly again;  
And let your mind go free.**_

And so she did.

The first scream was controlled. Removing a little of the hurt.

The second scream she allowed herself to let go a bit more of the pain.

The third one she just lost control. The sound rose above the music, removing all the pain that had been built up inside her. The tears stopped and she felt her whole body collapse and become numb. The numbness was soothing, almost a gift. No more pain, no more hurt, no more anything.

-x-

_Just go in man._

Lucas grunted at his thoughts, he knew they were right but for whatever reason he just couldn't physically move his body.

_Just a few more minutes…._

'For crying out loud!' he cursed at himself as he mentally forced his body to move towards her door, his pace stalling, slower than usual.

He had no freaking idea why he was there, okay yeah he did but still, he just felt out of place, like he shouldn't be there. He had no idea what made his mind to suddenly decide to go over to her house this time of night, but for some reason he couldn't convince himself to turn back around and go home.

He stood infront of her door, mentally daring himself to knock on it. Hesitantly he rose his fist to the door in preparation to knock, his heart beating so fast it felt like it was about to erupt out of his chest.

_Get yourself together man! _He cursed at himself, unrolling his fist and wiping away the excess moister on his dark denim jeans.

His head jerked up as he heard an ear piercing scream coming from inside the house. His heart no longer beat in result of the sheer uncertainty and nervousness that had evolved his body just seconds ago; it now beat dramatically of adrenaline and a newly found instinct for protection of the blonde headed occupant inside.

His head darted to the side of him and grabbed the first thing he laid eyes on to defend himself with, if need too. He leaned against the window sided by the door and gripped the long handle tightly to the side of him. Holding in his breath he silently gripped the chrome door handle and turned it slowly, surprised to find it unlocked.

_Who the hell leaves their front door open nowadays?! _He muttered through his teeth as he used his foot to kick the door open ever so slightly, allowing him just enough room to quickly study the area before him.

He craned his head through the opening and scanned the open space before him.  
It took a few seconds for his eyes to fully adjust to the darkened room; the only source of light was the reflection of the moonlight through the open windows. A staircase spiralled before him to the second story, and the very faint vibration of music could be felt and heard through the corridor. A faint light was present on the upper story, sending a short wave of relief surge through him and he used that opportunity to let out the breath he had been holding in.

Holding the handle firmly in both his hands he strategically forced way through the small opening of the door and entered the darkened space. His head darted side to side trying to see any sign of danger or the blonde headed occupant of the house. His chest heaved thanks to the adrenaline and his whole body was stiff and tense, waiting for anything to either eradicate or verify his fears that were created at the sound of her scream.

_You have got to stop watching so many horror movies Lucas._

The silence was unsettling, almost unnatural. He strained his ears trying to pick up the slightest sound besides the almost silent rhythm of music that echoed through the house that could either confirm or deny the possible scenarios running through his mind.

Slowly he started climbing the stairs, trying not to make any sudden noises or unintended creaking from the stairs.

When he was close enough to the top of the stairs he could see clearly to the rooms on the second story hallway. It took only a second to figure out which bed room door belonged to her, the miscellaneous 'No Entry' signs and band posters were a dead giveaway.

With only two steps to go Lucas kept his eyes glued on her door, not noticing there was an extra step until it was too late.

The fall was gentle and most unexpected but it did not cease the amount of noise from the fall.

_Stealth as Lucas. _He grunted to himself as he heaved himself off the floor, still tightly grasping onto the wooden handle, noticing the movement of shadows underneath the gap of her door.

Still observing his surroundings he moved his way towards her door, the handle raise high to his side, ready to strike if needed.

That was until the bedroom door flew open.

'Lucas?! What the hell are you doing here, in my house, _in my room_?' she asked bewildered, crossing her arms around her chest, while leaning on the bedroom door frame.

_Stalker much…._

'I-I I was…I mean the front door was open and there was this scream so I—'

'So you grabbed a broom to protect yourself with?' Peyton smirked, making reference to the long handle Lucas was clutching onto for dear life.

'Broom? What?' he asked in a blur and confusion, before his whole face flushed in embarrassment, leaving his cheeks a dark crimson red as he adverted his gazed to the wooden object he held in his hand.  
'I grabbed a broom to protect you with…' he muttered under his breath, although loud enough for Peyton to hear.

_Oh so what were you planning on doing? Sweeping away the crazy intruder? Idiot._

Although her subconsciousness mocked his actions, Peyton couldn't help but feel a little touched. No one had ever attempted to even defend her, let alone her honour; yet in less than two weeks Lucas had done more than anyone at her previous school, or even Nathan had ever done.

At his words, she felt the final remainders of the brick wall concealing her fears, truths and history crumble away, allowing the weight that had been dragging her down for the majority of her life to finally be lifted off her shoulders at the sheer sight of him.

And good god did it feel good.

'Why did I hear you scream then?'

'The neighbour's cat banged against my window. I wasn't expecting it.' Peyton shrugged, not wanting to burden anymore of her worries on him, at least not for the rest of the day and readjusted her posture against the door frame.

'Oh…Peyton are you okay?' he asked, his voice softened.

'How do you do that?' she scoffed, adverting her head and now gazing at the closest wall.

'Do what?'

'Just know that something's not right.' She laughed uncomfortably.

Lucas let out a small sad smile as he looked deep into her eyes. 'Your eyes give it away. Before at school when you saw that photo, your eyes just lit up like Christmas lights. I swear I could see happiness dancing around them, but now…' his voice drifted as he removed his gaze from hers. 'They're lifeless. Numb. Dead. They're red-rimmed so that tells me you've been crying, other giveaway was the fact there are still tear streaks down either side of your face.'

Peyton fought back the tears she knew were coming. His words echoed around her head. How was it he was the only one that could read her like that? Why was it that he seemed to be the only one to care that much?

Lucas shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot as soon as he noticed the watering in her eyes. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and calm her, let her know that he was there for her, that he would always be there for her. It took all the self-control he had not to do that. Her body language screamed 'don't come near me, I need to do this on my own' and he knew she did. She needed to fix what was broken of her and if she didn't allow him to hold her to calm her, then he wouldn't.

The silence became more unsettling, so both for his and her benefit he announced his departure.

'Well, sorry, I should go… I just came to give you this.' he said as he pulled out a small envelope from his back jean pocket and gently handed it to her, both trying their best to ignore the electricity shooting up their arm by the touch.  
'I'll ah, put this back outside,' he smiled as he held up the broom, 'Oh, don't open that until tomorrow before school okay?' he pointed at the envelope she held in her hand.

'Okay.' She replied, though the response just fed her desire and curiosity to open it.

'Promise?' he teased, his deep blue eyes glistened in the moonlight.

'Promise' she genuinely smiled back.

'Okay cool, see you around then.' He waved off and retreated down the hallway.

She slowly watched him disappearing down the stair and before she knew what she was doing, she ran over to the banister and mindlessly called out 'Wait Lucas!'

_What the hell are you doing?! You just got rid of him now you're calling him back? What is wrong with you?!'_

'Yeah?' Lucas inquired from the lower level of the house, looking up to her at the beginning of the stairs.

'Stay?'

-x-


	7. Happiness Has a Violent Roar

**A/N- Thankyou to all those who have reviewed/favourite/followed/PM me! It's honestly the best feeling waking up and seeing such feedback! Keep it up!**

**-Hope you enjoy!**

**-Lexii xoxo**

**Chapter 7- Happiness Has a Violent Roar**

'Wow, you really like music don't you?' Lucas expressed, pointing to the large shelving containing what seemed to be thousands of CDs, vinyl records and mix tapes.

'Just a little bit.' Peyton sarcastically said, a taunting smile spread on her face. 'I mean how can you not?!' she exclaimed throwing her arms outwards, signifying her massively large collection.

Lucas stifled a laugh as a smile was tinted on his lips. 'Why so many?'

Peyton plopped down onto her bed, while Lucas leaned against the large wooden dresser.

'It's weird you know? It just really depends on what mood you're in. No matter what mood you're in, good or bad, pissed or depressed there's always going to be millions of songs that will reflect your mood perfectly.'

'So you suffer from aggressive mood swings a lot I'm guessing?' he teased, although his eyes glistening as he gained yet another insight into the mind of the real Peyton Sawyer.

'Ha. Ha.' She sarcastically stretched out, throwing the nearest pillow towards Lucas, who avoided it with great ease, laughing at her failed attempt.

'You know I've got this theory, that when it comes to music there are two kinds of people in the world. There are the _lyric_ people. The lyric people tend to be analytical, who are so passionate about the meaning of a song, analysing and interpreting the hell out of every word or line in the lyrics.  
Or there are the _music_ people, who just care less about the lyrics and just like the song if it has a good beat and you can dance to it.  
But you see, I'm not one of those _music people_. Sure, I enjoy swaying or rocking out to the beat or tempo of a song, but I'm the one you'll see who will take the CD out within a matter of minutes after buying it, listening to it over and over again, finding this strange connection that makes the song just somehow relate to me.  
Sometimes there's just this one song that is constantly on repeat or a mix CD or a playlist, and the song lyrics just find you, speaks to you, and makes you want to fight another day.  
Through everything I've been alone. I've never had someone there for me. Not my mother, not my father, not even my old bestfriend, only music and song lyrics.  
They are the only things that have stood by me every moment, every step….  
That is until now…' She rambled on, finally breathless as the confession she didn't want to say escaped through her mouth unknowingly.

Her cheeks reddened as the realisation set in, and she adverted her eyes to the ground.

_What the hell is wrong with you Peyton._

_Go all stalker chick on him._

_Well good._

_Maybe you've scared him off now, and he'll never talk to you and then you can go back to being the cool, popular cheerleading Peyton Sawyer you've worked so hard to be…._

Sensing her uncertainty he walked over and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and drawing her closer. She looked up into his soulful eyes, and he immediately noticed the brick walls forming in her hazels.

'And I'll always be here.' He smiled, watching the brick walls that had been there momentarily before crumble away at those short five words.

_Fuck._

'Thankyou Lucas for everything.' She smiled, her cheeks deepening into a shade of dark crimson red.

'It's okay Peyton. Stop saying sorry.'

_Yeah Peyton, for the love of god stop!_

'No! I mean it!'

_Here we go again…_

'You've been so honest to me about everything, and it was because of you seeing through all the designer outfits and make-up you helped me find me.'

He dropped his head, and his smile faded as his hand fell away from her shoulder.

_Now you've done it Peyton. Good job._

Her brow creased and her body tensed.

'Lucas? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something?'

_Of course you did Peyton. You do everything wrong._

Lucas' head snapped upwards. 'No Peyton! No, it's….it's me.'

She felt her heart sink slightly down in her chest, and her breath froze for a few seconds.

'What do you mean Lucas?' she asked, scared for the answer.

'I wasn't completely honest about everything Peyton.' He almost silently whispered, adverting his gaze to the large wooden dresser he was leaning on just moments ago.

_Of course he wasn't. _

_See Peyton you can't trust anyone._

_You finally start to trust him and what happens?!_

_It all gets thrown back into your face._

_JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE PLEASE PEYTON._

'What did you lie about Lucas…?' hurt and fury evident in her voice.

'I never lied Peyton, I'd never do that to you…'

_Bullshit Lucas. Everyone lies to me._

'I just didn't give as much insight as you probably would have liked…'

'What are you talking about Lucas?' Her anger and hurt disintegrated into confusion.

'Remember how you asked me what I wanted to do when I finally finished school?'

'Yeah, you wanted to play basketball or write.' She nodded her head in recognition.

'Well yeah, that's both true…'

'So what is it Lucas?' Impatience was starting to overtake her.

'It's just there might be a possibility I won't be able to play basketball...' he sighed out a breath he didn't know he was holding in.

'Lucas what the hell are you on about? I've seen you play basketball and I can tell you, you're amazing. You outshine pretty much the whole team, including Nathan.'

Lucas couldn't help but smile when she mentioned that he was better at basketball than Nathan; but that only made the truth hurt even more.

'Peyton, did you even realise I wasn't here for the first three weeks after summer vacation?'

_Of course I didn't. _

_I was too busy hanging with my friends and boyfriend, before you came along and ruined everything._

'No.' she squeaked. Realising how petty and guilty she suddenly felt.

'Well that was because two days before summer vacation ended…. I had a heart attack and went into cardiac arrest.'

Peyton paled at Lucas' confession and her heart twisted in pain inside her chest as she felt the bile rushing up her throat.

Lucas still stared intensively at the large wooden dresser, his lip slightly quivering as the memories of what happened only six weeks ago flooded into his mind.

'I was out on the River Court for hours, training as hard as I could to try and excel past Nathan's ability….

_The heat burned down, targeting the young boy, attacking him with the rays of heat, burning him until his skin turned red raw. But he continued on, fighting harder and faster hour after hour, running back and forth from either end of the court, until his lungs begged for air._

_Lucas saw his mother's car winding its way towards the River Court, ready to pick him up earlier than the allocated time Lucas had given her. _

'_Come on Lucas!' Karen called from the rolled down window to the sun stricken and fatigued boy._

'_Okay Mum! Just one more slam dunk!'_

_He gathered all the remaining energy his body could muster as he pushed himself towards to the basketball ring, bouncing the ball after every few steps until he felt himself gliding through the air._

_The basketball ring came closer and he rose the ball ready to deliver it into the awaiting net, when suddenly the most excruciating pain shock through his body, making his chest feel like it was on fire. He dropped the ball and grasped his chest before swiftly falling sideways onto the hard concrete court._

_The sudden surge of pain on the right side of his body was nothing compared to the now sharp pain that was delivered every few milliseconds. He gasped for air as no source of oxygen was able to make itself back into his body, or no source of carbon dioxide was able to escape as black dots intruded his vision._

_His mother's voice could be heard screaming his name, but only slightly. His mind became foggy and he knew he was losing the fight to stay conscious. _

_He grabbed his mother's hand as she gripped his for dear life. As each surge of pain cascaded through his body he gripped tighter, trying to miraculously remove the pain. He strained his now lifeless eyes open, wide and frantic as he saw the mobile phone pressed firmly against his mother's ear._

_All hearing was now gone but he could see the desperation in her face as for what he could tell scream into the handset, tears falling freely from her eyes. More black invaded his vision, now only showing faded shadowy images. _

_He fought to keep his eyes open regardless of the fact he could no longer see. He fought against the pain to stop burning through his chest. He fought against himself to rip his chest open right then and there. He fought against himself to stay conscious._

_But to his disappointment he lost one fight as he fell into the blackened world of unconsciousness._

Peyton stared at him, tears welling in her eyes as she imagined him struggling to breathe, struggling to stay alive.

_Oh stop. Look at him playing the 'Oh, I almost died card.' Pluh-eze. _

'What…What happened?' she croaked, her eyes unable to hold more tears as they overflowed out of her eyes.

'I woke up in the hospital a few hours later. The ambulance arrived almost instantly. Then I was told I had what seemed to be a heart attack. I went through every test imaginable; x-rays, ultrasounds, MRI, CAT scan. Everything.  
I couldn't walk a block without being out of breath so easily, and this pain would erupt out of my chest at any given time. I spent those three weeks in rehab learning to tolerate my limit and walking and eventually start running again.  
Immediately after school today I went back to the doctors, and I had to take yet another blood test. They're suspecting that the muscles in my heart maybe becoming thicker then they're meant to be, and they wanted to take a few more tests to be certain before they diagnose me with anything. That's why I came here.  
I'm just too freaking scared and I can't see the fear that's permanently etched into my mother's face every moment of everyday ever since that day.  
I haven't told anyone what I'm telling you now, but I knew I could trust you Peyton. '

'I'm so sorry Lucas.' Peyton whispered, laying a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

'Please Peyton. Don't apologise for something that isn't even your fault! The last thing I need is to be reminded of this. Right now all I want to do is be a normal teenager and hang out with you and not have to worry about the past, or future, just the present.'

_Lift your mood up Peyton!_

'Okay then! No more crying, no more war stories okay! I'm hungry and a large pepperoni seems perfect right now!' she smiled, flinging a pillow directly into Lucas' unsuspecting face.

'Oh you're going to get it!' he laughed as he picked it up and threw it back at her face.

Her face became deadly serious as she grabbed another off the bed.

'Oh it's so on!'

-x-

A pizza box was laid in between the two figures scrawled across the bed. For the past hour they had been talking about anything and everything, discussing everything from favourite restaurants to political views.

The deep sickening feeling that sunk in the bottom of Peyton's stomach at the thought of what had happened just previous hours ago disintegrated each moment her eyes would make contact with his; sending waves of relief, demolishing all her worries and fears that had been circling her for the majority of her life. It was like a drug. The affects he gave her by the simplest look or gentle touch were much more powerful and satisfying than any burning pleasure that ran down her throat or across her wrist.

As their eyes made contact she couldn't help but smile, expressing the happiness that seemed to come so rare in her life. And it was this happiness that she craved, that she savoured and she couldn't deny that this happiness that felt so foreign to her was all because of this blue-eyed boy.

'What?' he smiled at the sight of her smile, a smile that lit up her whole face, reflecting the true happiness that he had never seen her experience before. Compared to the dull, numb smile she would obviously force her lips to form, this smile was genuine, unique.

They faced each other while lying on their sides on either end of the bed, knees bent upwards towards their own chest, using their elbow to keep their upper body levitated.

'Nothing.' she smiled. 'I'm just happy.' Then her smile dropped. 'It doesn't feel right…' she breathed out under her breath, just barely loud enough for Lucas to hear.

His smile dropped with hers. The noticeable change of expression made his melt away to match hers. He threw the almost empty pizza box to the ground and moved closer to her, placing his hand tenderly on her waist, causing goosebumps to spiral throughout her body in a chain reaction to his touch.

'You know,' he whispered, his voice soft and comforting, yet delicate. 'Sometimes pain becomes such a major part of your life that you always expect it to be there, because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't,'

Her breath was jagged as she soaked in his words, still staring aimlessly into his now ice blue eyes, concentrating deeply into her irises. She couldn't help but agree to the words escaping his mouth. Ever since her mother's death that's all she seemed to feel; numbing merciless pain. And over the years this pain just seemed to build up in the contents of her heart, until finally it could would overfill and seep through her whole body.

Her eyes darkened and she adverted her gaze from his as the questioning reality dawned over her; would she ever feel anything other than this pain? Or was she doomed to have this pain alter every single happy scenario she may ever experience?

'But then,'

Her eyes shot back up to his, longing to hear some sort of possible conclusion to this fearful reality.

'One day you feel something else; something that feels so wrong because it feels so wrong because it's so unfamiliar and foreign, and in that moment,' His stare deepened, his face almost unreadable. It took as much self-control as he could muster to not laugh at the need that her eyes were begging for. 'You finally realise you're happy.'

Her lips spread, and her eyes watered as the realisation that after so long, she was finally feeling happy.

'I am happy.' She whispered, allowing a shy smile to escape her lips.

'If you're happy, then I'm happy.'

Their stare deepened and suddenly it felt like time had stopped. Their hearts quickened as their breaths became deep and jagged.

Goosebumps ran over her skin as Lucas slid his hand upwards, until it was gently cupping her cheek. As if on instinct she tensed, but that all melted away as he gently stroked his thumb over her soft skin, removing any hint of worries and much to her relief, switching off her subconscious.

Lust, love and desire were evident in both their eyes as they both adverted their gaze to each other's lips and back, craving and wondering the feeling that it would bring when their own finally connected with theirs.

They were so close they could feel their body heat radiating onto each other, yet they moved even closer, until their nosed grazed, sending a sexually charged electric surcharge throughout both of their bodies, and that was the moment when they knew they couldn't wait anymore.

Their lips connected, entwining perfectly with each other. That sickening feeling Peyton had been feeling for the majority of her life in the bottom of her stomach was now replenished with what felt like thousands of butterflies and fireworks, that suddenly made her feel more alive.

She grasped the back of his neck, pushing him towards her more, never wanting this feeling that she had never experienced with any other to leave. He generously accepted her forcefulness, grateful and somewhat relieved it was her to instigate the kiss more.

He entwined his fingers through her curls, savouring the taste of her lips as he gently nudged his tongue against her soft, succulent lips, graciously seeking allowance for entrance, to which she gracelessly accepted.

Their kiss deepened, momentarily taking away both of their breaths in sweet, sweet agonistic pain. They drew back from each other, hearts racing and panting heavily as their chest rose and fell dramatically.

The butterflies and fireworks never ceased, in fact they grew stronger and stronger, as they gazed deeply into each other's eyes; although longing for more of that passionate burn of lust, love and desire.

_Yes,_ Peyton thought; _She was finally happy._


	8. Heartbreak Warfare

**A/N- Slight rushed, so all mistakes are mine! Sorry!**

**Chapter 8- Heartbreak Warfare**

Despite the late start, she made it to school moments before the bell was due to ring. Gathering her leather handbag she instinctively checked her appearance in the small rear view mirror, the feeling of dread gathered in her stomach as her subconscious mentally pointed out every flaw.

_Peyton your makeup isn't blended properly!  
Peyton your hair is a mess, look at all those split ends!  
Peyton that shirt with that skirt?  
What were you thinking?! You have to look perfect! BE perfect! _

She breathed in deeply, trying to ignore the scolding from her mind before climbing out of the car and heading towards the school.

'Peyton! Over here!' Lucas called, sitting on a lone bench in the middle of the courtyard. Her lips parted into a smile as she waved to him, before walking towards him.

'Peyton, can I talk to you?' an ever too familiar voice asked, yet the hesitant pause and possible hint of vulnerability in the voice made it hard to pinpoint the name to the face.

Peyton paused and turned around, expecting to see some shy student asking for due dates on a piece of homework or something, but was taken back a bit when she was that the voice did in fact belong to someone she happened to know _very _well; Nathan Scott.

'Nathan?' she asked slightly puzzled, her mind racing to try and determine why he was talking to her after her social outburst and removal of the infamous friendship group.

'Come with me.' he asked, no stated as he began walking around the corner of the northern building.

She stood perplexed for a number of seconds, looking directly at the confusion drifting around the irises of Lucas' eyes, before looking at the desperation clouding Nathan's.

_GO PEYTON! What are you doing just standing there?! Go follow Nathan now! This might be your chance to redeem yourself! Go!_

Glancing back at Lucas she gave him an apologetic smile before following Nathan around the corner of the northern building. His back was turned to her and she shuffled uncomfortably, digging her high heel stilettos into the dirt.

_Maybe he just wants to go off at me. Call me all those names I deserve to get called._

_Everyone else has. Brooke, Lucas. It was only a matter of time before he would._

Her stomach was fighting a mixture of emotions and she felt the bile slowly rise up her throat, the anticipation and unknowingness of what was to come caused a vicious surge that almost caused her to gag.

'Are we broken up?' Nathan asked calmly, his back still turned away from the now drastically confused Peyton.

'-What?' she asked, uncertain of what she had heard and seeking confirmation.

Nathan turned around to face her, his eyes piercing into hers. 'Are we broken up?' he repeated, his face stern and frozen, masking any emotions from surfacing.

'I-I don't know…' she replied with all honesty.

'We never officially broke up, so….' His voice drifted and he removed eye contact as he shuffled the worn sneaker into the dirt.

_Peyton this is it! I told you everything would be okay! _

'Are we?'

'I dunno.' He shrugged, still avoiding eye contact.

'Do you want to be? Together I mean? After all I said….' Peyton began, adverting her gaze from him.

_Of course he doesn't want to be with you Peyton. Did you hear the things you said to him?!_

'You said what you meant, and honestly it got me thinking…..'

_That I'm nothing but a waste of space, a loser. That you can't believe you ever went out with me._

'You were right.'

Peyton almost gagged on nothing when she processed what Nathan had just said. 'What?!'

'You were right. I didn't treat you the way you deserved to be treated, and I hate the fact that it took so long for me to realise. I'm sorry Peyton.'

_What the hell is going on here? _

_People apologising to you?! _

Peyton was speechless. For possibly the first time in her life she wasn't apologising. Someone was apologising to **her.**

'So what do you say? Are we together or…' Nathan trailed, adverting his gaze.

She had never seen Nathan so… vulnerable. He was always wearing this expressionless mask that only reflected his emotions when he was playing basketball, or benefiting in the misery of other another who was suffering from his hand.

Everything seemed so foreign to Peyton now. It was difficult enough trying to define herself but now trying to interpret a hell of a lot in such a short period of time made her feel dizzy.

She liked Lucas, hell she liked him a lot, okay more than a lot. The thought of the kiss they shared last night still made the butterflies dance around in her stomach. She could be herself; Peyton Sawyer, emo band freak with a twisted web called a life, not the perfected Peyton Sawyer she too so many months to perfect.  
He knew things she never even dared to tell her father and it was so damn easy to let everything that's been torturing her brain for months just spill out of her mouth.

Yeah sure, her previous relationship with Nathan wasn't exactly what people would describe as 'perfect', but there was a time where genuine feelings had filled Peyton, and quite a few good memories here and there. It wasn't all completely bad.  
And now there were some lingering feelings she was certain had disintegrated months ago that now seemed to spark up as she witnessed another side of Nathan she never thought existed.

_Forget about Lucas Peyton. Nathan can give you everything you've ever wanted. Popularity, your friends back, Brooke back. A life you deserved to live before you were just a target for others sick pastime._

_Lucas was there for you Peyton. He was the only one there for you. Throughout this whole ordeal he was the one who listened…_

_Yeah after he called you a bitch and a cheerleading skank, or did you forget about that huh? Newsflash Peyton, nobody is perfect. Hell Nathan wasn't perfect. But that day at school where you were being categorised did he ever say one spiteful thing? No. Just think about that for a second Peyton._

Her heart twisted and turned in sickening motions as her heart rate increased as she saw him standing before her, she met her gaze to his, the same ice blue as a certain blonde haired boy stared right back; and at that moment she knew what to do.

-x-

Lucas couldn't stop his leg from bouncing up and down, the hard plastic case bouncing along with it. He knew the moment Nathan appeared something wasn't going to turn out right, but for who he wasn't quite sure of.

The seconds passed in excruciating slow motion. Each second made the pit in his stomach twitch and twist as the anticipation for the blonde headed girl to return.

He had to admit, he was slightly disappointed that she didn't take his advice that he had written her. Even for him they were pretty cheesy, but he just hoped she might actually listen to them so the rest of the world could experience the Peyton Sawyer he knew. Maybe it wouldn't be today, or tomorrow or even next week but he was certain of one thing; he was going to fight for her to realise just how special she actually was.

His face lit up as he saw the blonde headed figure turn the corner of the building. A smile parted as he watched her walk towards him, placing a loose curl behind her ear as he gaze was kept firmly on the ground, making it unable to see her face clearly.

He stood up from the wooden bench, plastic case in hand and began walking towards her, nervousness overtook his body and his palms becoming slightly sweaty, almost causing the plastic case from falling from his grip.

Just metres from her he froze and felt his heart slowly fall apart. The brother who wanted nothing to do with him and seemed to get everything Lucas wanted trailed slowly behind Peyton, _his_ Peyton and threw his arms over her shoulder, spinning her around to face him before pressing his lips against hers, rough but gentle.  
Scratch that. His heart felt like it was ripped clear from his chest, thrown through a cactus field then beating extensively; with all the pain receptors still in perfect condition.

He watched wide-eyed, anger, betrayal and heartbreak swirling through him. The fact that she had accepted Nathan's kiss made it clear as day who she wanted, who she chose. He threw the plastic case on the ground, the disc radiating a small rainbow over the courtyard as he marched his way into the school, trying his hardest to ignore the triumphant smile plastered on Nathan's face.


	9. Choose

**Chapter 9- Choose**

**Three days ago.**

Sweat cascaded down his face as he bounced the ball for what seemed like the millionth time in the past hour. Each time the ball escaped his hands he allowed some of the anger and pain to escape with it.

Anger because she made a fool out of him infront of the people that basically worshiped the ground he walked on.

Pain because no matter how he had treated her, he couldn't deny that he didn't love her.

Anger because of the words that had flowed mercilessly out of her mouth, infront of everyone to see.

Pain because she had meant every single one of them.

Anger because she had chosen his discarded brother over him.

Pain because she had chosen his discarded brother over him.

He grunted in anger as he threw the basketball hard onto the gymnasium floor, focusing all the anger and pain into that one throw, not caring where the ball eventually ended up or what damage it may have caused.

He trudged over to his bag sitting on the bleachers and pulled out a bottle of water, empting the contents over his hair and face, savouring the coolness as it washed away the heat and sweat, as well as the pain and anger, refreshing and rejuvenating him.

He wiped his hand harshly over his face to remove the excess water and fatigue that had begun to wash over him, before ruffling his hair to allow the water to spread evenly to evaporate into his roots.

His mobile ringtone echoed the empty gymnasium, and he dug deeply into his duffle bag before staring cautiously at the caller I.D reading unknown.

'Hello?' he asked quizzically, pulling his mobile to his ear.

'Nathan Scott?'

'Depends. Who's asking.'

'You know who I am Nathan.'

Nathan paused, searching through his mind trying to match the somewhat familiar voice with the face.

'Oh hey-'

'I have a proposition for you Nathan.'

'A proposition?' Nathan enquired, his eye brows cocked in both interest and confusion. 'What kind of proposition? A proposition for what?'

'Revenge. On Peyton Sawyer and Lucas Scott.'

Nathan's eyes widened at the mention of their names. Lust, wrath, envy and pride surfaced in his veins as a sinister smirk became plastered over his face.

'I'm interested. Very interested.'

-x-

**Present Day.**

'I have to talk to him.' Peyton muttered for what seemed like the millionth time in the past hour as he paced back and forth in her room.

She hadn't spoken to Lucas in two days. When she had returned from her 'meeting' with Nathan Lucas had disappeared from the bench he was sitting at only moments before. It was only when he refused to talk to her during their shared classes when she realised the truth to why he was acting so cold, so distant.

_Why? Because you broke his freakin' heart that's why Peyton._

Peyton groaned as she collapsed back down onto her bed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as she tried to figure out what was the best thing to do.

_You broke his heart Peyton.  
With his brother.  
You'd be the last person on earth he would want to see right now. You two are better off without each other. You have Nathan now Peyton. You have popularity back now Peyton, and soon you'll have Brooke back too. You stuffed up Peyton. You made a few mistakes, and that's what you get for not listening to me. But now things will go back to normal. You'll put on those designer clothes and rule the school. You won't be labelled the 'loner', the 'loser' the 'bitch', you'll be labelled the 'prom queen'. The girl who all the other girls want to be, the girl who never has to face another insult, or punch or kick.  
I'm just trying to do what's best for you Peyton.  
And I'm telling you associating yourself with Lucas Scott is __**not**__ the right thing to do._

_Don't listen to a word of that Peyton.  
Lucas was the only person there for you when all the people who 'cared' about you turned against you.  
He listened to every secret that had been dying to get out for so long without judgment, without disgust or hatred. He broke into your friggen house thinking something was wrong, that your life was in danger. You can be the Peyton Sawyer you truly are around him without having to keep up this exhausting charade up.  
You cannot just allow someone you care about, and that cares about you go like that.  
It's not right._

_-x-_

Tenderly Peyton knocked on the wooden door, half hoping that Lucas wouldn't be able to hear it, half hoping he would.

Time ticked by mercilessly, each second causing even more dread and concern to grow in the pit of her stomach. She twisted her pink blouse tightly around her fingers, nerves causing her body to slightly tremble.

After what she was sure were a few minutes she exhaled the breath of air she was holding in as she turned around to walk away, her heart spiralling in both gratefulness and disappointment.

She had walked no more than three steps when the wooden door finally opened, revealing a smiling woman.

Peyton felt her voice get caught in her throat. 'Uh….Ms Scott?' she questioned quizzically.

'Oh no. Not Scott. Karen Roe.' The woman smiled, holding out her right hand to Peyton.

_Of course it's not Scott you idiot. Everyone knows Karen never took Dan's last name. Why would she?! _

'Oh sorry.' Peyton whispered as she grasped the woman's hand and shook it gently.

'What can I do for you Peyton?' Karen asked, knowing exactly what Peyton wanted.

'Is, uh, Lucas home?' She asked, still unsure whether she wanted to go through with this.

'Yeah he's in his room. Follow me!' She said kindly, ushering Peyton inside.

Peyton followed Karen awkwardly down the hallway before coming to a stop outside a door.

'Lucas?' Karen questioned, opening the door slightly and craning her neck into the room. 'You have a visitor. Peyton's here…'

Peyton felt her stomach flip as Karen nodded for her to enter the room before walking off.

_Just forget about it Peyton. Go. While you still have the chance._

Ignoring her subconscious Peyton breathed deeply in before walking into Lucas' room. 'Hey.' She murmured awkwardly as Lucas came into view.

'Hey.' He said simply, distrust and betrayal present in his voice.

_Cut to the chase so we can get the hell out of here._

'I, uh, just wanted to see how you're doing.'

'Oh. You wanted to see how I'm doing. How I'm doing after I find out you got back together with my brother not even a day after we kissed. Please _do_ tell me how I'm doing Peyton.' Lucas snapped. His voice ridiculed with sarcasm and betrayal.

Peyton was taken aback from the sudden outburst, she knew she had been expecting it, hell she knew she deserved it; but it didn't stop the stinging pain from his words.

'Listen Lucas…' Peyton began softly, only to be cut off by Lucas, his tone becoming more aggravated as he continued to speak.

'No. You listen here Peyton. I'm not a play thing. You kissed me back so that had to have meant something. Tell me Peyton. Tell me you don't feel the same way about me.'

Peyton stood frozen with her mouth agape. Her mind shuffled through the intimate moments and secrets they had shared. The gentleness of his touch, that soft and soothing tone he had used, the electricity of their kiss.

'It did mean something to me…' she admitted almost silently, more to herself than to Lucas.

'Then why Peyton? Why do that to me?'

'I-You wouldn't understand.' She finished, adverting her gaze as unshed tears formed in her eyes.

'Don't start with the 'you wouldn't understand crap' Peyton.' Lucas scoffed, now pacing around his bedroom. 'You've told me all your secrets and your fears. I understand you better than any other person in this town. Hell I think I understand you better than you understand yourself.'

'I-'

'I'm not going to sit around and watch you lie to yourself, lie about who you really are. You have to choose Peyton. Either choose me and be who you are. No more hiding, no more lies and charades. You get to be the Peyton Sawyer that I fell in love with, the Peyton Sawyer you love. Or you can choose Nathan. You can choose to live this miserable excuse for a life. Lying to everyone about who you really are, lying about the Peyton Sawyer every person deserves to know. You can continue living on, living with friends who would rather get drunk and use you as a ride home, with a boyfriend that doesn't even understand the true meaning of love and will continue treating you like a mere object and sex toy. But I'm telling you now Peyton. If you choose Nathan, well, I don't want to be a part of that lie.'

Lucas walked towards Peyton, his blue eyes burning into her hazels with so much intensity of desire and fear.

'Choose Peyton. Me or Nathan.'

-x-

'Did she buy it?'

'Yep. She's convinced I still love her. I have her wrapped around my little finger.'

'Good. Now keep toying with her. Make her truly believe that she's forgiven.'

'What do you get out of this?'

'She was supposed to be my friend. But she made me suffer, now with your help I'm going to make her suffer. Once she ruins whatever she has with your brother I'll initiate phase two of the plan.'

'And what's phase two?'

'You'll find out soon enough.' The voice laughed tauntingly, before the ever too familiar sound of the dial tone drifted in his ear.

**A/N- I'm not going to lie. I really did consider just abandoning this story due to the dramatic decrease in reviews and disinterest over the last few chapters. But you can thank those people that PM and reviewed begging me to update, especially to the guest reader who left such wonderful reviews.**

**I really do enjoy writing this story, and I really hope you enjoy reading this, if so just leave me a review and I'll update more regularly.**

**Question of the chapter: Who do you think is the mystery voice set on revenge? ;)**

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**-Lexii xo**


	10. Heart On Fire

**Chapter 10- Heart on Fire**

**Three Weeks Later.**

'The test results came back Mum…' Lucas announced softly as he walked into the kitchen, gripping the folded piece of paper for dear life.

Karen froze as the words escaped her only child's mouth. She dropped the knife she was using and looked up at her son from the counter, her eyes wide with concern and dread as she envisioned the reality and haunting possibilities of how this would affect Lucas for the rest of his life.

His dream of professional basketball would now be non-existent, and without that, she wasn't sure what her son would do. It was no lie basketball was his life, and that he had talent and passion for the game more than in her opinion anyone else in the sport. But knowing that if he were to be diagnosed positive for HCM, his heart couldn't physically measure up to the passion that burned inside him, and every minute he was on the court could threaten his very existence, his life.

'Well…?' she asked hesitantly, bracing herself for the worse.

Lucas stared directly into his mother's eyes, his face emotionless and his mouth dry. He contemplated his options as the seconds drifted by, the lingering silence and anxiety growing in the room at a merciless rate, until it became so thick it was almost suffocating.

'It's…It's negative.' Lucas declared, forcing his tone to stay neutral.

'Wh-What?!' Karen asked in disbelief, her fears disintegrated, the astonishment and shock present on her face.

'I don't have HCM Mum.' Lucas smiled meekly, shrugging his shoulders.

'Oh thank God!' Karen yelped, her entire face lighting up in happiness, life now resurrected in her eyes. She rushed over to her son, an extra skip in her stride, and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. 'That's great honey!' she beamed, breathing into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his mother.

'Yeah… Great.' Lucas silently whispered; the vile on his heart tightening as he wished that what he had just said was the truth.

-x-

Lucas sat in the middle of the River Court, the basketball he had brought now discarded and forgotten to the side of him. His were eyes glued to the piece of paper in his hands, revealing the true test results.

Through the dozens of typed lines, only one stood out from the rest, taunting and torturing him as he continued to read it over and over again;

**The tests indicate that the patient has resulted positive for Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy.**

_Positive for Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy._

_Positive. _

Those words echoed endlessly in his mind, silently torturing him for the burden he was officially suffering from.

The visions of his future of having the option of playing professional basketball was now roughly scrubbed from his mind, instead being replaced with him sitting on the sidelines, popping pill after pill that was a precaution and necessity in meaning the difference between life and death.

Tears welled in his lifeless blue eyes, and he forced his eyes to shut tightly to not allow the barricade holding them back to break. He fought the bile back down his throat as the guilt of lying to his mother and the shattering truth of his condition became almost too much to bare. He squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to force the nauseating weight that had settled in the pit of his stomach to be removed from his body; while hopefully taking along the emptiness that swelled in his chest along with it.

He dropped his chin to his chest, breathing deeply to try and neutralise his body's reaction to the unfortunate future. Relief soon washed over him as he felt the tears that had once threatened to fall evaporate under his lids and his breathing regulated, easing the nauseating pain in his stomach.

'Hey there.' Came a somewhat familiar bubbly voice, gratefully interrupting those twelve hunting words from echoing through his mind.

Lucas' head flew upwards to greet the figure before him, his eyes cocked in surprise to find Rachel Gatina standing before him. 'Uh, hey?' he greeted cautiously.

'What's that?' She enquired innocently, nudging her head towards the letter in Lucas' hand.

Lucas looked down to where she was indicating, and felt the blood escape his face as the sickening feeling reintroduced itself in the pit of his stomach.

_It's basically telling me I have the heart of a seventy year old and can't do the things I love otherwise I might end up in cardiac arrest and die; again._

'This? It's nothing.' He brushed off, folding the letter back up quickly before shoving it roughly into his pocket.

'Really…' Rachel commentated, her tone implying her disbelief.

'Yep. Nothing.' Lucas shook off, adverting his gaze back down to the concrete ground.

'Mind if I sit?' She asked, not bothering to wait for an answer before swiftly sitting down beside him.

Lucas looked up at her, his eyebrow still cocked as disbelief sarcastically brewed through him.

_Yeah, sure. You can sit, whatever._

She leaned over Lucas' lap, in what Lucas could have sworn was slow motion, and grabbed Lucas' basketball, before returning to her cross legged position and twirled it in her lap. 'So what brings you here?' She enquired casually.

_The added eye flutter and flick of the hair? Not so casual Rachel._

'Could be asking you the same thing.' Lucas said smugly, forcing his tone to stay neutral.

'What?' she giggled. 'Can't a girl go out and hope to find some hot guy wallowing by himself and try to make him feel all better?' Rachel teased flirtatiously, shuffling even closer to Lucas.

Lucas let out breath of air of disbelief from his nose, as he adverted his gaze, his mouth cocked in a small smirk.

_What's with all these cheerleaders suddenly coming onto you Lucas?_

'What?' Rachel asked teasingly. 'It's true, you're hot.' She whispered seductively into his ear, placing her hand on his upper thigh.

Lucas breathed in deeply, his smile faded.

_Any other day besides today would have been nice._ He thought bitterly, the emotions he had momentarily forgotten about his condition resurfacing.

'Rachel look…' he started, forcing his face to stay soft and apologetic as he turned his upper body to face her.

'Lucas, it's okay.' Rachel interrupted, squeezing his thigh reassuringly. 'I get it.' She smiled understandingly, watching as Lucas' face twisted in confusion.

'Get what…?'

'You know...' Rachel said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She studied Lucas' face waiting for the realisation to finally dawn on him. When his face implied he had no idea whatsoever, she rolled her eyes. 'You're still hung up on Peyton.' She shrugged innocently, holding back her laugh as the realisation slapped Lucas in the face.

'Oh no I'm…' Lucas said attempting to defend himself.

_You're lyinggggggg…._

'Please Lucas.' Rachel rolled her eyes once more, a small smirk lingering on her face. 'I'm not stupid.' She stated. 'It's so obvious you're hung up on her…' her brow creased and a shrewd smile presented itself. 'Even though she's clearly with your brother…again.' She observed, using various hand gestures to emphasise her point.

Lucas turned his head away and remained silent, his fists clenched tightly as anger began to pulse through him as the betrayal stabbed at him.

'Anyway!' she perked her voice up again as it became obvious that the tension in Lucas' body was growing. 'Just know that if you need to talk about anything…' a devilish and inviting grin overtook her face. 'Or you know, _not talk_, I'm just a phone call away.'

'Bye Lucas.' She winked, as she stood up. 'I'll see you later.' She giggled seductively, throwing the basketball back at him before she turned and promptly walked off the court, making sure to increase the seductive sway in her hips with each step.

-x-

_You made it perfectly clear you don't want anything to do with her, so why the hell are you going to talk to her?!_

_That was…before… okay, drop it. I need to talk to her. _

_I can't do this on my own._

Lucas wound his way through the crowds of people gathered chatting aimlessly in the middle of the hallway, determined to find the blonde curled girl before he convinced himself to just go home and pretend everything's okay.

It had been thirteen days since he got the test results back.  
Thirteen days since he had snuck into his uncle's house and photocopied the negative result.  
Thirteen days since he had looked into his mother's eyes and told her that he wasn't suffering from that fatal condition.  
Thirteen days since he'd kept up this charade and pretended he was completely fine.  
Thirteen days since he's been lying to himself and everyone around him.  
Thirteen days since he had been living the life Peyton Sawyer had been living for over a year.

Man did he feel like a judgmental dick.

He mentally prepared himself as the large group containing the person he so desperately needed to talk to came into view. Intimidation and fear threatened to break him as he noted the other occupants, but after years of ignoring them he easily banished all the doubting emotions from his mind, allowing the determination to take over control.

'What the hell are you doing here bastard?!' Nathan snapped as he saw Lucas approach the group. The sudden outburst caused the group and surrounding students to become immediately silent as their entire attention was now focused on the tension and animosity flowing from the two Scott brothers.

'I need to talk to Peyton.' Lucas stated calmly, watching as her large eyes darted upwards in surprise.

'And just what do you have to talk about with _my_ girlfriend?' Nathan growled, wrapping his arm roughly around Peyton's shoulder in a possessive grip and walking closer to Lucas in an intimidating stance, dragging Peyton roughly behind him.

'I just need to talk to her.' He repeated, trying to keep the tension in his body at bay as he watched Nathan drag Peyton along as if she were an animal on a leash.

'Well she doesn't want to talk to you bastard spawn. So just turn around and walk away before I do something I might regret.' Nathan warned through clenched teeth, his face plastered with a warning glare.

'Nathan please…' Peyton pleaded gently, noticing the large amount of attention grasped by fellow students. 'Don't do this.' She begged, trying to control the situation before it got too out of hand.

In a quick, rough motion Nathan jerked his arm away from her shoulder and promptly turned to face her, adrenaline and rage causing his body to tremble. 'What Peyton?! Do you actually want to talk to this loser?!' he bellowed gruffly in her face.

'Nathan.' Peyton whined desperately, edging closer to Nathan in another attempt to keep the situation at bay.

'Well do you?! Because if you do why don't you just go out with him instead and be losers together!' He growled warningly, roughly pushing her back away from him.

Peyton stumbled slightly from Nathan's rough gesture, her mouth wide an agape as hundreds of haunting flashbacks and memories from her life before Tree Hill were triggered by the bruising touch.

Lucas' body twitched in anger as he watched Peyton loose her footing from Nathan's rough gesture. It was his increasing heartbeat that he could feel rising in his chest and the memory of that one line in the letter that stopped him from punching Nathan in the face right then and there.

'Nathan!' bellowed a warning voice as a figure pushed themselves through the crowd gathered, her eyes burning in threatening manner.

'Stay out of it Brooke.' Nathan snapped back harshly, the tension spreading as more eager eyes belonging to more fellow students gathered in the circle.

'Or what?! Are you going to push me around too?!' she growled edging her way closer to Nathan, her index finger pointing directly at Nathan's chest.

'Stop!' Peyton shrieked loudly, shrinking back slightly when she noticed that now all eyes were plastered on her.

Peyton could feel the array of emotions radiating from the people gathered around her. Curiosity, excitement and anticipation from the strangers circled around them; hatred, anger and a hidden sense of desperation burning from Nathan; a familiar protective and pissed vibe from Brooke that Peyton had missed for so long; and of course the antagonism, distrustfulness and like Nathan, a hidden sense of desperation burning in Lucas' blue eyes.

Her heart swelled in guilt and desire at the look in Lucas' eyes, knowing that if he had come to talk specifically to her, especially since everything that had happened in the past few weeks, something was wrong, particularly considering he had asked infront of Nathan.

_Oh no._

_Don't you even think about it Peyton Sawyer._

_Lucas made it perfectly clear he wanted nothing to do with you anymore if you chose Nathan, and here's a newsflash, you chose Nathan!_

_Don't you dare ruin everything we've worked so hard for Peyton!_

_Things are finally starting to get back to the way they were! _

_I mean come on! Brooke actually stood up for you! She still cares about you!_

_You're in the popular group again; you have the most wanted boy in all of Tree Hill. Who cares if he gets a bit rough every once in a while?! _

_Remember; you're better off with him anyway._

_It's better than the rest of the school being rough with you every single minute of every single day like it used to be._

_I won't allow us to go back to that, to feel all that pain again. _

_Now, _

_Stand up straight!_

_Stop making yourself look like a pathetic weakling._

Immediately Peyton straightened her stance, hiding the vulnerability and fear that was making her stomach lurch.

_You'll get wrinkles if you keep scowling like that. _

_Smile Peyton._

_Even if you don't mean it._

Instinctively her face softened and regenerated into the face she had programmed into her brain and had forced herself to wear since the moment she arrived in Tree Hill, an emotionless mask that rendered a small smile.

_No one ever bothered someone who was smiling._

'Nathan, don't be like this.' She smiled, 'You know I choose you.' She turned and faced Lucas, 'Lucas you should go.' She whispered, feeling the vile around her heart tighten as the look of disappointment washed over Lucas' features, his eyes becoming glazed and lifeless.

'You heard her,' Nathan smiled, replacing his arm around Peyton's shoulder and pulling her closer towards him, showing her off as if she were a trophy. 'Now piss off you bastard spawn.' He spat in satisfaction as he watched Lucas begin to slowly turn away in defeat and walk away.

'Get over yourself Nathan.' Lucas gruffly said, allowing all the pain from the letter and Peyton's dismissal to flow freely from his mouth.

'Your mother should be ashamed of the son she got, I know your father is!' Nathan spat back, having to get the last word in, watching in satisfaction as Lucas froze in his stance, his body becoming ridged as it trembled in anger.

'What the hell is your problem?!' Lucas bellowed, marching over to Nathan and roughly pushing his chest with both hands as the anger boiled through his veins.

'You're my problem!' Nathan spat back, returning the shove, though twice as hard.

Lucas ignored the tightening in his chest as a searing pain scorched through him and delivered a fisted punch to the side of Nathan's face, fuelled solely by adrenaline, anger and perfidy.

Nathan's head flew to the side by the force of the punch. He allowed a small smirk of humour to be presented on his face, before he spat out blood tinged saliva onto the concrete ground.

'Is that the best you got?!' Nathan declared humorously, throwing his arms out either side of him. 'Come on, I'll give you another free shot.' He edged on.

He felt his heart beat at an erratic rate, as if it were about to implode out of his chest. The scorching pain now tightening and spreading throughout his body into the extremities of his throat, making it suddenly difficult to breathe.

_The tests indicate that the patient has resulted positive for Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy._

_Positive for Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy._

_Positive. _

He gasped deeply, trying to calm his racing heart as the realisation resurfaced. Lucas jerked back from Nathan, his eyes wide and aware as the new found fear overwhelmed his body.

'What? Are you scared?' Nathan taunted, jerking his body towards Lucas as if he were about to attack.

Lucas involuntarily flinched from Nathan's sudden movement and grabbed the left side of his chest as pain shot through him once more. He fought to keep the mask on his face neutral, hiding the pain and weakness as he searched the crowded group desperately, silently begging to find those amazing green and brown eyes.

After what felt like forever they finally made contact, her emerald specks enlightening as the realisation washed over her, finally fitting the pieces of the puzzle together.

'Come on Nathan. Let's go.' Peyton said as seductively as she could, 'He's not worth it.' She scoffed, looking directly at the blonde headed boy, those words clearly intended for him, not for the brunette. When Nathan remained silent desperation started to set in. 'Besides, Whitey will kill you if he finds out you've been in a fight.' Peyton pointed out, feeling the relief wash over her as Nathan finally acknowledged her.

He silently praised the lords above as Lucas felt his heart calm and the pain cease as Nathan's attention was drawn to Peyton.

He let out a shaky breath, 'She's right; You're not worth it.' Lucas huffed sternly, his eyes narrowed in hatred.

_You're not worth my life._

-x-

Peyton felt herself literally melt away as she watched the blonde headed boy disappear from her view, relief hitting her like a bullet.

The crowds of students disembarked; some exclaiming and acting out what they had just witnessed, some complaining how there should have been more bloodshed.

Peyton walked up to Nathan, who was now engrossed in complaining on what a crappy right hook Lucas Scott had to the other males in the group. 'Nathan have you seen Brooke?' She asked.

'She went over there somewhere.' Nathan brushed off, pointing towards the school parking lot before returning to the crowd before him, basking and embracing the attention given to him.

Peyton looked around desperately and felt a new sense of hope flooding her when she finally spotted the red headed girl that was formally her bestfriend.

'Hey Brooke! Brooke!' Peyton called out, running after the red headed girl, her feet aching in her stiletto heels after each stride. 'Brooke!'

Brooke spun around, a look of displeasure plastered on her face.

Peyton paused before her former bestfriend, feeling the coldness radiating off her. She swallowed hard, suddenly becoming self-conscious as she struggled to string together the right words. 'I, uh, just wanted to say thanks for before. You didn't have to stand up for me, especially after all the things I said…' Peyton trailed off, guilt washing over her as the memory of Brooke's shocked face entered her mind.

'Forget about it.' Brooke shook off as she turned around and continued walking.

'No, Brooke I really mean it, thankyou.'

Brooke spun around, her whiskey iris' burning in anger and defiance. 'No, seriously Peyton forget about it. I would have said the exact same thing if I had never even talked to you before. No one deserves to get pushed around like that. We are not friends again, and I don't think we'll ever be friends again. You hurt me Peyton, you were my bestfriend and you were the only one who wasn't supposed to do that to me. It doesn't change anything between us.' She snapped, before promptly turning around and walking away, leaving a broken hearted Peyton behind.

-x-

'_How's phase two going?'_

'_Not as fast as I hoped it would. But it'll get there don't worry about that.'_

'_I still don't understand what you're trying to do?'_

'_It's simple. I'm turning everyone against Peyton. She deserves to know what it feels like to be completely alone and have all the people that she cares about and depends on abandon her, just like she did to me. It's just too bad I can't take credit for her losing her bestfriend and boyfriend, that was all her.'_

'_So that just leaves…'_

'_Yep. Lucas Scott.'_

-x-

**A/N- Thankyou all for encouraging me to get back on track with this story, with the constructive criticism and praise I do really truly enjoy writing this, and I'm so glad you're enjoying reading this. **

**I'm not surprised with readers gaining the idea of Brooke being the mysterious voice, she may or may not be, you will all find out in the upcoming chapters :)**

**I also wanted to point out that as I said in the first chapter this is based roughly the beginning of season one, (mixed with other aspects of other seasons) where yes, Nathan was a jerk (which is multiplied dramatically in this story), Brooke was a flirtatious class A bitch, Peyton was insecure and Lucas wasn't a part of the 'popular' group. If you watch the first few episodes you see how different the characters are than what they are perceived to be in later seasons and episodes :-)**

**Please leave me a review and I'll update as soon as I can!**

**-Lexii xo**


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